Teen Poetry #8 |
Amber Pain (a rewrite) |
Tinsel Junior Member
since 2007-06-04
Posts 36UK |
I posted this poem on the forums once before and someone said the lines were slightly stilted... anyways, I've rewritten it and hopefully it flows a bit better now. This scene is on repeat, My heart is on hold Crying through the barren night A desert of a sky imposing on all, Cast in an orange glow By street lamps illuminating All that should be hidden. I'm too young to sing the blues, My pain is amber instead, A lonely dimming fire. On which silence pours, Ready to extinguish all But I hold on, Spluttering through the night, Waiting, Waiting. Waiting for a speck of glorious mercy An embrace, a smile, To kindle what is slipping out of reach. |
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© Copyright 2008 Beth Sherlock - All Rights Reserved | |||
RedNail Member
since 2008-02-29
Posts 65Stockholm, Sweden |
I think it's great. Wonderful work. Some things are meant to be in the dark. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
yeah it flows better now.there really good. can't wait to see more!! ~Zach~ |
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Tinsel Junior Member
since 2007-06-04
Posts 36UK |
Yay, thanks. I'm glad I managed to make it better. |
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