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Teen Poetry #8
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Unoticed
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Unoticed |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
*It's taken me along time to write another poem so I hope you like the latest* The jokes keep coming Scenes fly by Did the world go by Time whistling I saw you Through the fog The noise It rattles my mind With lightning seeking Thunder booming Gliding through the day Booming beats My nightmare has come true Our lives The news Fear clutches my chest Lost and confused Away from touch And viewing eyes On the outside Words to speak Places to stay A disastrous result Could come of this This horrible throuble A vendetta Comes and goes The electricity Followed And flowed In my ear Wavering on air With you It's all unoticed |
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krad008 Member
since 2008-02-20
Posts 82 |
holy crap I love it. The flow its mazing. Its like it never ends it just keeps going right off the tip of my tongue |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
hmm the flow of this was sort of sketchy. but i understood the meaning in this poem good job! ~Zach~ |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
I will try to help Myself! lol You could try doing four lines and have the second and fourth line ryhme with there ending words! It makes the meter and Poeticness be there in your post!-- This post wasn't bad at all, but i thought you might like to try that in the future, Makes more better to read and Organized of what you are talking about hmm... I enjoyed this post!  ARCTIC WIND |
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krad008 Member
since 2008-02-20
Posts 82 |
really I thought it flowed really good |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
Normally I wouldn't post on my own poem but to your question of rhymning, I'm more of a free flow verse kind of person if it rhymns it rhymns if it doesn't but still flows it's still good. Try checking out some of my older work and you will see what I mean. |
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Dark Star Member
since 2008-02-20
Posts 392Lost in your eyes |
a few lines kind of crazy lol, but in general very good xoxoxox- star |
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