Living with Her Eyes Closed

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SunnySyn
Junior Member

since 2008-02-19

Posts 15
Texas, United States

0 posted 2008-02-20 07:13 PM

I wrote this poem awhile back and my best friend deemed it my "Best" one.... I think it is just friend bias...LOL. Hope everyone likes it and if not, still tell me what you think.

Living with Her Eyes Closed
By: The girl with two first names

Lost and Confusion comes
Faith no longer prays
Forgiveness meets Grudge
And lost Courage along the way
Self-Esteem insists more could've been done
Then steals away into the night
Believe tried to find her
But was gunned down by Spite.
Hope went to Love's funeral
And died the next day
Fear comes to work often
For little or no pay
As life got harder
So did her walls for keeping friends and love ones away
Hate was the only one let in
And claimed to be there to stay.
Misery down every street
Defeat on every corner
Caring now lives in shame
And Kindness became a Scorner
Overcome by Pain and Grief
Not wanting to fight anymore with Lies
She accepts what Hurt offers
She open her eyes.... and dies

They called her ignorant, immature
For not wanting to see beyond her nose
I guess they didn't under stand the significance
Of living with your eyes close.

Lesson: Live life with one eye open and one eye closed.

Signing off,
SunnySyn =)

[This message has been edited by SunnySyn (02-20-2008 09:35 PM).]

Dark Star
Member

since 2008-02-20

Posts 392
Lost in your eyes

1 posted 2008-02-20 07:40 PM

a newbie to another, thnx for a good read

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

2 posted 2008-02-20 08:29 PM

I enjoyed the meaning in this poem. The personification was exelent.
My only suggestion is to watch your rythm. I thought it was a bit off in places, but then I'm not one to talk as that problems been raised with my poems a few times.
Other than that an exellent read!

"Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl

"Ooo!!! Ooo!! I know! I know! um...he he" Earl
(Yes I am crazy)

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

3 posted 2008-02-21 09:37 PM

It was beautiful and I enjoyed the way you wrote your message very intriguing and beautiful

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

4 posted 2008-02-21 10:21 PM

Whoa this is really good!! i like the meaning in the poem. Great read!

~Zach~

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

5 posted 2008-02-22 05:00 PM

very nice my dear- yes rythem needs some work but you should have seen my poems when i first started- you have much less to work on. and welcome, i haven't seen you "face" yet, so it's nice to finally read something of yours. sorry i missed your first post.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

SunnySyn
Junior Member

since 2008-02-19

Posts 15
Texas, United States

6 posted 2008-02-22 07:34 PM

Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate it very, very much. As for the rhyme scheme it is suppose to be as it is in the last stanza -A, B, C, B - I guess it has to do me not separating the stanzas as such. Or maybe because this particular poem is actually suppose to be read to an audience and not for the reader to read…. I wrote this poem for and read it at this poem contest I was in. I won second place with it. =)

Signing off,
SunnySyn =)

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

7 posted 2008-02-23 04:07 PM

Welcome To PIP!!!!!

ARCTIC WIND

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