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Teen Poetry #8
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| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Love |
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wolf girl Member
since 2007-12-03
Posts 150washington, US |
its short and long and somewhere in between its jolly and merry or so it would seem its a comitment you make one you can never break if only for your own sake now lets take a minute to think would we sink? could we hold out that long? or would you be long gone? i guess i will just have to take a chance now at glance it seems we might last but that could quickly become the past i forget everything when you smile at me you hold the key to my immortality |
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| © Copyright 2008 Jenna - All Rights Reserved | |||
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
The first two lines were fantastic. Those two lines had more power and mystery to them than most of the poem. My encouragement is to try and veil your words a bit more. Being obvious leaves the reader no choices for interpretation. The thrill of expression is the mystery (at least for me!). Not bad though for starting out. Stick around here and I promise you will improve. |
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Earl Robertson Senior Member
since 2008-01-21
Posts 753BC, Canada |
I must agree with young_blood. Your poem didn't quite do it for me but those last two lines were amazing. I suggest you start over with those and see what you can't come up with. "Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl |
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wolf girl Member
since 2007-12-03
Posts 150washington, US |
yeah idk ive had some writers block lately plus i wrote this one in english. you also have to remeber im still in high school. ill try and revise it though. -jenna |
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