Clarity Within the Depths of Haze

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Ri
Member

since 2008-02-01

Posts 67
Blackburn, England

0 posted 2008-02-06 06:15 PM

I had dust in my eyes, as my head rushed
I could not recognize, what remains true
With the world full of lies, I could not trust
But through all life’s demise, I will have you

To keep me smiling, and easing all pain
With burden piling, you dry up the rain
Falsehoods compiling, yet you stay the same
All so beguiling, you alone, remain

As my sight ends you’re right here to guide me
When evil contends, under fog you hide me
The haze pretends, yet you stay beside me
By being friends, your heart is inside me

Through all the darkness in life we must face
You would lead the way with your warm embrace

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

1 posted 2008-02-06 08:21 PM

Great write!

"Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl

"Ooo!!! Ooo!! I know! I know! um...he he" Earl
(Yes I am crazy)

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2008-02-07 01:40 AM

Wow!! such a strong ending loved this Ri
Krysti

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

3 posted 2008-02-20 10:28 PM

awe, thats so sweet. And absolutley amazing. Fantastic!

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

crimsonXnails
Member

since 2008-02-10

Posts 108
dark/little/heavan.:*:.

4 posted 2008-02-20 10:49 PM

hey hey,
know what your talking about. consider yourself lucky to have a friend like that, not all of us are so privileged.
!Tracey!

if you can touch me, i know i'm still only dying

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

5 posted 2008-02-21 05:50 PM

i like the last two stanza's theres so emotional and beautiful! i love this one! keep it up!

~Zach~

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

6 posted 2008-02-21 05:58 PM

wow ri, i am truly immpressed my dear . . . .this was astounding. i'm still in shock (good thing, i think, lol, yess very good)

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

7 posted 2008-02-21 09:35 PM

It was a powerful right but some of the rhymns seemed forced however it was still lovely to read and I enjoyed it

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

8 posted 2008-02-21 10:34 PM

I thought every Ryhme fit just right!

ARCTIC WIND

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

9 posted 2008-02-22 09:38 AM

Yeah the rhyming wasn't bad.

~Zach~

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

10 posted 2008-02-22 05:41 PM

good job!! i like this!!

krad008
Member

since 2008-02-20

Posts 82

11 posted 2008-02-22 08:12 PM

wow thats beautiful i really like it

Dark Star
Member

since 2008-02-20

Posts 392
Lost in your eyes

12 posted 2008-02-23 03:29 PM

Clarity is one thing

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox- Star

Ri
Member

since 2008-02-01

Posts 67
Blackburn, England

13 posted 2008-02-26 04:54 PM

thanks for the feedback everyone
I admit myself that the rhyme is a bit forced at times, but once I have started rhyming in it, it is hard to break the pattern, I suppose that a lack of rhyme in areas could symbolise the "haze"

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