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Teen Poetry #8
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Death is tragedy, Suicide is murder...
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Death is tragedy, Suicide is murder... |
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I am the arch angel Member
since 2008-02-02
Posts 167nowhere,illinois,USA |
I've entered my endless sleep I hope your happy, you've made me weep Don't keep crying I feel like dying One last kiss before I go Before you kick me out into the snow Forgiveness or not I've loaded this shot My heart is as heavy as lead I have emptied this bullet into my head My life is ending I was to depending With my life's ending ever so close It was you that I chose My words are fading I cannot keep waiting I am not lying here for show Grim is here,time to go..... ~-Keagan-~ |
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| © Copyright 2008 Keagan lear - All Rights Reserved | |||
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
wow, thats got to be you'r best one yet! keep it up!  FoReVeR.BrOkEn |
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wolf girl Member
since 2007-12-03
Posts 150washington, US |
this is lovely. wonderful write. -jenna |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
(disguised profanity is not allowed) keagan this is the bestest poem that you have wrote yet. its wicked awsome!!! love it! [This message has been edited by SEA (02-15-2008 11:08 PM).] |
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Earl Robertson Senior Member
since 2008-01-21
Posts 753BC, Canada |
One word: Amazing "Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl |
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crimsonXnails Member
since 2008-02-10
Posts 108dark/little/heavan.:*:. |
hey hey, awsome poem! i love how you said "i am not lying here for show", it really gave it that extra genuinity(is genuinity even a word?)lol  loved it!!Tracey! if you can touch me, i know i'm still only dying |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
haha yes Tracey genuinity is a word. it means original. (i think thats what it means. but i might be wrong but idk) lol and once again keagan your talents keep me in utter shock and amazement! keep up the work!!! ~Zach~ |
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
wow keagan- you made me cry . . . somebody once told me something like it- it leaves an ever lasting impression- when someone tells you that you're the only reason they are still living. . . -Kate and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night |
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crimsonXnails Member
since 2008-02-10
Posts 108dark/little/heavan.:*:. |
hey hey, it's tracey again, just want to say; p.s. i luv ur name! !Tracey! if you can touch me, i know i'm still only dying |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
Sorry folks, genuinity isn't a word, but it should be.... Keagan , this was exremely good. I only really have one point ( & it is not criticism) for me this would scan better and 'sit' on the page better if it were in the style of a quatrain. I have C & P it below, see what you think. Just a suggestion as I say & doe's not detract from the overall punch of the work.... Well done John ............................................ I've entered my endless sleep I hope your happy, you've made me weep Don't keep crying I feel like dying One last kiss before I go Before you kick me out into the snow Forgiveness or not I've loaded this shot My heart is as heavy as lead I have emptied this bullet into my head My life is ending I was to depending With my life's ending ever so close It was you that I chose My words are fading I cannot keep waiting I am not lying here for show Grim is here,......time to go |
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
i agree with John, but then again- you're the "puppet" master -Kate and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
i too agree with john. but good job keagan keep up the writing!! ~Zach~ |
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I am the arch angel Member
since 2008-02-02
Posts 167nowhere,illinois,USA |
Thanks guys! it means a lot that you guys like this sorry kate didnt mean to make you cry ~-Keagan-~ |
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
you're too cute, it's okay. it just was so touching i have it in my library you know. aww i seem to be freaking out on all sorts of people this week- my apologies dear(ba da bapadada da dadadadada) it's a line from a song! by the hush sound (my apologies dear, really good ilove them). -Kate and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night |
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Jaki H Member
since 2008-01-19
Posts 232NJ, USA |
wow.... me like, me like a lot! |
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I am the arch angel Member
since 2008-02-02
Posts 167nowhere,illinois,USA |
Thanks, never heard the song kate but i bet it is good, thanks so much for the replies this my most replied poem yet yey and thanks kate eh my name is alright but w.e lol~-Keagan-~ |
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ShawtySheFly Member
since 2007-12-19
Posts 71In his Elevator (LOL) |
Now that's wuts up!! Good Job A house of cards in a >hurricane^ |
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Just.Another.Falling.Star Member
since 2008-05-08
Posts 422Canada |
Very deep, I know that feeling. *Julianna* |
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hiddensmiles Senior Member
since 2008-02-07
Posts 514at the beach... i wish |
good write!! JJ |
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Tripp'ncutie Member
since 2008-05-05
Posts 73minnasota |
that was amazing there is no other way to describe it. |
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eternally_singing Member
since 2007-12-18
Posts 123PA, United States |
Very, very good! At night a candle's brighter than the sun |
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pipgurl_95 New Member
since 2008-05-11
Posts 8Michigan |
WOW! i really like this one..A LOT! you got talent |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
I think you need to consider the 1st stanza carefully. The way I read this is that, "I've entered my endless sleep", suggests the character has died and if already dead how can one weep? Am I being too literal? Perhaps... The whole poem is dramatic, loaded with a serious demeanor and soul searching meaning but I think that is somewhat to it's disadvantage, this is all SLAM there's no hills to go around or over and because there isn't I unfortunately smiled. I actually smiled during a time of acute drama and heartbreak, which was made humorous by the mention of "Grim is here". I see this as a poem being made to depict a heavy event, the situation is brutal but the reason leaves one somewhat lost. I think for one to understand the character needs to be brought out into the open a little more, the situation explained more, there has to be a REASON for suicide and though you have explained some, the situation is still heavily veiled. Although, perhaps your intent is that suicide is never a clear situation and so you depict it as such through your poem? Yet, whatever your reason please remember I am critiquing the poem not you, the author. I did like this part of the poem in particular, "My heart is as heavy as lead I have emptied this bullet into my head My life is ending I was to depending", well done, especially the last two lines, I can relate at times. LOL.. I do believe I over thought this poem somewhat. I am sorry. Best of luck to you, I hope to see more of your poems in the near future. Stargal P.S. I think I would edit that line (the one with grim) but I have a warped sense of humor so others might not see it the same way. |
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