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spiderilia
Junior Member

since 2008-04-24

Posts 21
Israel

0 posted 2008-05-07 07:15 AM

Because of you

before you I was happy
before you I had all
but then you came around me
with you I had to fall

in this time, while Im falling
I've finally seen my way
before you was illusion
you took it all avay

without you I am nothing
Im godlike when your near
forgive me, I am sorry
but I needed you to hear

I can not find the words
to expess the way I feel
I can not find expression
but believe me, this is real

with you I have no limits
with you there's no abyss
I beg, dont say your living me
just stay for one, last, kiss ...

feel free to reply.... =)

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

1 posted 2008-05-07 11:47 AM

Wow. I realy enjoyed this. Interesting conotations I picked up on.

"We all lead such elaborate lives, We don't know who's words are true." Aida

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2008-05-07 04:31 PM

Wow! Like usual im very impressed by your talent with words. Keep it up bud'

Later days!

~Zach~

~Zach~

"Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant."

spiderilia
Junior Member

since 2008-04-24

Posts 21
Israel

3 posted 2008-05-08 06:41 AM

thanks... I'll try not to let you down....

Baby_Girl
Junior Member

since 2008-05-10

Posts 21
OH, United States

4 posted 2008-05-12 05:22 PM

Very deep. i liked this poem alot cause i can relate to it. Keep up the good work.

Baby~Girl

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

5 posted 2008-05-12 11:44 PM

Well, I am a little bit distracted by the title, not only because it has been well used by previous writers and will continue to used but also because it is the name of a famous song, it's hard not to think of that when you click on the page.

I think the1st and 2nd stanza needs to be examined, in S1 L4 there is past tense in S2 L1 there is present tense, which doesn't work well when you read it. This either needs to be present tense or past tense and because of the way the poem ends I believe present tense would be best.

I did enjoy reading this poem, though at first I was afraid it would be "i love you, this is why i love you, i love you" throughout but you put a nice quirk on the end. You set us up for the fall, the first 4 stanzas there is no hint of goodbye and WHAM out of nowhere stanza 5! Good job.

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