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emptead
New Member

since 2008-01-31

Posts 6

0 posted 2008-01-31 11:11 PM

The wind blowing my hair
swifts the colourful arms and limbs of such a mighty statue.
The confetti-like things that fall off from them in the season of autumn
are just like snow in the winter;
From green to golden brown, from solid to dust that dissolves to the ground,
This statue has many features yet to be found.

Humans cut off the arms and the limbs of such a creature
just for me to have a bed to cry on, a cloth to wipe my tears, a piece of paper I can spill my emotions, my words, then later on tear it apart for the garbage man to pick up.
Such a terrible thing for me to do yet it still gives me the shade I need even if it’s unasked of it.
When it was there for others and others didn’t give it attention,
I left as well.
Its fingers fell and I stepped on it;
The cracked screams of pain were heard yet I continued walking.

Now that I’ve realized what a precious thing I have
I want to ask you,
How do you sing when being abandoned by the ones you love?
Why are you still my friend even if I hurt you?

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2008-01-31 11:22 PM

Wow this is good. its very discribtive. I wouldnt say it would be an acttual poem though. but its very good anyway =]

emptead
New Member

since 2008-01-31

Posts 6

2 posted 2008-01-31 11:42 PM

Is it the lack of rhythmn and rhymes?

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

3 posted 2008-02-01 12:14 PM

Welcome to Passions!!!!!!!!

What would you attempt to do...if you knew you could not fail?.
www.myspace.com/mindlesspoet

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2008-02-01 08:18 PM

Great first post... Poems do not need to ryhme... I would say if anything it was the long lines, that kinda threw it off. However.. I liked it still

Krysti

Ri
Member

since 2008-02-01

Posts 67
Blackburn, England

5 posted 2008-02-01 08:23 PM

just for me to have a bed to cry on, a cloth to wipe my tears, a piece of paper I can spill my emotions, my words, then later on tear it apart for the garbage man to pick up.

Just seperate that line, to make it flow better, I definately like this though

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