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Teen Poetry #8
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Captive Emotions Tell Of Only Life!!
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Captive Emotions Tell Of Only Life!! |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia 
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Okay guys i had to edit this cause as rebelangel said it was confusing now it's better and bigger it's also a sequel to another poem that i can't remember the name of at the moment.. lol.. so thats why i have used the last stanza of that poem and made it the first stanza in this one.. _____________________________________________________ Captive Emotions Tell Of Only Life!! Nothing’s what it seems she’ll love and she’ll regret She’ll cry and she’ll die But she won’t forget She’d seen her dad crying He was in so much pain Who knew losing a legend Would make her whole world insane She could see the tears building In her dad’s green eyes His hands left the glass And smashed in disguise His knees hit the floor With a deafening thud His head hit his hands And then came the flood She sat there herself Her old man on the ground He had tears running from his eyes But yet he made no sound His life was in pieces And he’d caused it all His daughter trapped By a surrounding wall He didn’t know she was watching He prayed she wouldn’t hear Because seeing him cry Was his daughters only fear She hated her dad She wasn’t proud to admit it But just for a while She knew she had to forget it She stood up for a moment She walked towards where he lay “It’ll be okay dad” “We always find a way” He knew she was right But what was done was done He’d ruined his family He’d destroyed his son His son was fourteen He was lost in life He’ll soon be a dad He’ll soon have an 18 y.o wife He’d left his son When he needed him the most When he told him she was pregnant Dad ran off to the coast She knew he was sorry She could see it in his eyes But still he kept on crying He’d lost his disguise Her mum walked into the lounge Found them huddled on the floor She knew this was coming She couldn’t deny it anymore Tears were forming In his green eyes A storm was whirling In the skies It was the end of the world As it seems So he bent down And fell to his knees ....................................... Don’t fall down when life gets tough Don’t start crying when things get rough Don’t run away when you get in strife Because deep down you know... its only life [This message has been edited by RevengeIsMine (01-29-2008 12:03 AM).] |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
omg i loved this!!! at first it was a little hard to follow..like when it said " hed destroyed his son" but it was awsome! i really loved the last stanza sooooo much!!! only a vampire can love you forever. |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
Thanks rebelangel, I get the strangeness in fact i can understand it now i re-read it. i'm gunna make some changes now so it does flow better... anyway re comment n tell me what you think of the changes.. |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
o hey, u didnt have to change ur work just cause i said it was confusing!!! girlie, im a blonde!! lol but honestly i do like this vesion a lot better, it explains it more and gets a little deeper into emotion u know. now all the readers can feel the emotion tho poetry rarely ever reaches the depth of experiance and emotion behind the words. but this was great... again lol~!!! and i still love that last stanza!!! only a vampire can love you forever. |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
Thanks for the comments RebalAngel.. Yea did hav to change it. i knew when i re-read it there was more emotion left in me.. so thats what i did.. I prefer this version as well and that last stanza is what got me through the last 24 hours.. Who knew i'd start believing in what i wrote.. |
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
haha well it was realy awsome  and im always here for u no matter wut happens ok? only a vampire can love you forever. |
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Earl Robertson Senior Member
since 2008-01-21
Posts 753BC, Canada |
Wow RevengelsMine that's amazing. I realy got into the emotion if not the possible meanings. I love it! "Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl |
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