Light of Salvation, Bring Me Back

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Teen Poetry #8

Light of Salvation, Bring Me Back

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

0 posted 2008-01-27 02:57 PM

You left me in the cold,
left behind you're frost.
Now I am turning numb,
how much more will this cost?
My happiness vanished, replaced by sorrow.
My life is gone, there is no tomorrow.

All is hopeless, nothing is good enough.
How can I live in a world so cold, with no light that shows me where to go?
Will I always be alone, confused and cold like someone of the earth? or will God save me and return me to the light?
Please, my light of salvation, bring me back to where I can live.

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

[This message has been edited by XxForever.BrokenxX (01-29-2008 10:18 PM).]

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2008-01-28 02:26 AM

I liked this poem but the structure made it hard to read... I would suggest doing something like this~

You left me in the cold,
left behind you'r frost.
Now I am turning numb,
how much more will this cost?

My happiness vanished, replaced by sorrow. My life is gone, there is no tomorrow.
All is hopeless, nothing is good enough. How can I live in a world so cold, with no light that shows me where to go?

Will I always be alone, cofused and cold like someone of the earth?
or will God save me and return me to the light?
Please, my light of salvation, bring me back to where I can live.

~Krysti

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

2 posted 2008-01-28 05:21 PM

you're right, thanks for letting me know what you thought it helps .

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

[This message has been edited by XxForever.BrokenxX (01-28-2008 06:10 PM).]

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