All About Me : ) (english report)

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Teen Poetry #8

All About Me : ) (english report)

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

0 posted 2008-01-18 01:05 AM

ok so this is really not that good nad i wanna kick myself for it. its a poem i had to do for my english class thats supposed to b about me, but as many of u may have observed i dont exactly write in a style that i want to get up in front of the class and pour out my soul to the teachers. lol so everyone is expecting a great poem from me cuz i write but this really doesnt make the cut in my mind but thats okay cuz the stupid report is done so yea

enojoy , critque, laugh love etc.

I’m the girl

You may think you know

But the girl on the outside

Is only just a show

I’ll laugh myself crazy

Till I’m rolling on the floor

Then may burst into tears

The moment I close the door

I try to be good

And do what God wants

But I admit sometimes I’m fake

And it’s only just a flaunt

Other times I’m ashamed

Cause I don’t do what’s right

I fall in with the crowd

And think bad things are tight

I’m one who will attack you with the Bible

Then reject God Himself

I’m only a kid; I make mistakes

But Jesus still loves me, if nobody else

I’m pretty smart

And put great emphasis on my grades

But sometimes I get lazy

And my potential only fades

You may think you know me

But please don’t be fooled

There’s still a lot to me

Even I get confused!

I’ll do anything for my friends

Because I love them so

I have many of them

But that you already know

I like to move around

Cause I’m not into cliques

There’s always too much drama

I don’t like getting caught up in the mix

This isn’t my style of writing

But I still like to write

It’s what I always do

In this crazy life

I may not be the best

But I know I’m a poet

Writing stories, poems, music, and songs

I definitely know it

I am not be perfect

And never will be

But this was all about who I am

All about me

If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you"

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

1 posted 2008-01-18 08:51 PM

Dear Rebelangelv,

         Your pretty darn good.  You love that two beat line and you make stand up and dance for you.  I don't care that this isn't your usual style, I don't know what that is.  Anyway, your usual style is whatever you say it is, you're the poet.

     You might try saying some of your lines with the words "just" and "always" in them and taken out of them.  Mostly the word "just" unless it's talking about some form of justice is dead air time.  Some folks would say even when it's talking about justice.  I guess it depends on your mood of the day.  When people use the world "always" it usually doesn't mean "always," either, it means that they're going to try to puff up what they're saying so it sounds more important than it is.  There's usually that puff-up in there someplace.  Listen to other people when they use the word and see if you agree.

     One of the things that you've got down particularly well    is what we used to call Voice in Graduate School.  It's the sense of the person who's doing the talking.

     I know it's not what new poets generally expect to hear, but what would happen if you gave yourself permission to tell enormous whopping lies in your poems?
What could you do and where could you go with that?

     Just sharing some thoughts and expressing some admiration for a very neat poem.  Best, BobK.

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