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Teen Poetry #8

Black Burden

stil_watrs_run_deep
Junior Member

since 2008-01-05

Posts 14
missouri

0 posted 2008-01-09 10:51 PM

My smile has faded,
my heart has dropped,
tears burn my eyes,
when will this stop?

Sorrow pulls me down,
gloom is all around,
this black burden
is pushing me down.

I'm going under,
too weak to stand.
Dragging myself
with empty hands.

My secret sin,
lays on my heart
heavy with torture,
I'm falling apart.

smiles are universal :]

wolf girl
Member

since 2007-12-03

Posts 150
washington, US

1 posted 2008-01-09 11:29 PM

this is wonderful. i really loved it. i love how you describe it as a black burden it really gives me a visual.

-jenna

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2008-01-10 01:12 AM

wow I reallllllyyyy loved this amazing write great flow the whole shebang!
Krysti

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

3 posted 2008-01-10 09:19 AM

Oh wow I really enjoyed reading this, it just flowed so nicely and was very easy to read. Great job.

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

4 posted 2008-01-10 06:26 PM

This was awesome!!the flow was nice..great job hun

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

5 posted 2008-01-11 08:58 PM

oh wow, it seems to me that we are all connected, i read more about myself in the poems of everyone else here than i read in my own poems. thanks for the insight into my own life, wow that sounds cliché, lol.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

stil_watrs_run_deep
Junior Member

since 2008-01-05

Posts 14
missouri

6 posted 2008-01-12 11:36 PM

thanks guys!
it means a lot to me to know that other poets like and critique my work!!!

smiles are universal :]

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

7 posted 2008-01-20 12:01 PM

I love it!!!!! so simple and to the point! really nice rhyming too!

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