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Teen Poetry #8

cartwheels in the sand

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

0 posted 2007-09-09 03:49 PM

Cartwheels in the Surf

Each wave caressed step
Further into the sunset,
Each moment holding his hand
Footprints in the sand.

Looking in his eyes
Proof his heart’s alive,
Touching my brown hair
He kisses away any care.

No photograph could capture
The feeling in this picture,
A subtle glow from the west
Highlights his silhouette.

Running down the coast line
Our love is stopping time,
Cartwheels in the surf
It echoes our laughter.

Each wave caressed step
Further into the sunset,
Each moment holding his hand
Footprints in the sand.

~becca
--i would definately have to say it had forced rhyme, i kinda had a hard time writing today...i'll try to fix it, if some one wouldn't mind giving me tips =) --

there's more to living than being alive

~Anberlin

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

1 posted 2007-09-10 12:30 PM

i liked the first two paragraphs but by the third it seemed liked you lost the rhythm or something maybe the rhymn but it was still good i liked it

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