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Teen Poetry #8

my world just went black

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2007-08-19 06:33 PM

i can see you when i close my eyes.
you cant seem to leave my mind,
as i fall down in pain.

and the smile just ages,
then it twists and cracks.
that once friendly face,
i just wish it would come back.

i want to be able to tell you,
when your hair looks a mess.
and i wish i could kiss you,
every time you where thats dress.
the time we lost just isnt fair,
but i guess thats life; pain and despair.

you dont know how bad it hurts
when i think of your face,
how every single breath i breath,
lingers with your taste.

and i wish you could know i miss you,
with everything i am.
and that i am tearing apart inside,
because your never coming back.

when the rhythm of your heartbeat stopped
was when my world just went black.

dah1namedj0na
Junior Member

since 2007-08-19

Posts 19

1 posted 2007-08-19 10:11 PM

wow that's a really powerful poem! The way the simple imagery comes to mind flows with the ebb of the previous stanzas. I really liked it

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

2 posted 2007-08-20 06:04 PM

oh wow i loved your emotion that just stood out like bold letters

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

3 posted 2007-08-20 06:05 PM

"and i wish you could know i miss you,
with everything i am.
and that i am tearing apart inside,
because your never coming back."

This is def going up there with my favorite's by you...i love it

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2007-08-21 01:22 PM

when the rhythm of your heartbeat stopped
was when my world just went black.~

CO how do you do it? I am totally in awe of your poetry, but this one was my fav

Krysti

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