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unboundpoetess
Member

since 2008-05-24

Posts 477

0 posted 2009-04-14 11:15 PM

other day gray

hues of some other day grayed
boxed forget and leather hide
pulseless watch and fabric frayed
napkin dates and petals dried
lift the years and stroke the page

he turned to paper
while I cried

~H

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

1 posted 2009-04-14 11:30 PM

unboundpoetess - dang, now that's pure rudeness for sure. Much meaning here in your words...

BC

critical mass
Member

since 2009-03-25

Posts 275
Michigan

2 posted 2009-04-15 05:29 AM

excellent write.

napkin dates and petals dried
lift the years and stroke the page

very well done.

Dog
Junior Member

since 2009-04-09

Posts 48
England

3 posted 2009-04-15 06:22 AM

very good

Anniepimm
Senior Member

since 2008-12-26

Posts 550
England

4 posted 2009-04-15 06:23 AM

Excellent poem I love the short ones

Well penned

Osprey
Member

since 2009-04-12

Posts 249

5 posted 2009-04-15 06:43 AM

I'm not sure whether I've read your meaning correctly, but with a poem that may be slightly ambiguous, the reader has a certain freedom of interpretation.
I'm looking over your shoulder as you turn the pages of keepsakes and memories, absorbing the melancholy.
Succinct, yet long enough, and that is an art in itself.

[This message has been edited by Osprey (04-15-2009 07:48 AM).]

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

6 posted 2009-04-15 07:55 AM

enjoyed it UBP

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member

since 2009-03-11

Posts 1257
Louisiana

7 posted 2009-04-15 08:34 AM

Wow. Powerful in brevity. Yet weaves a tale that the reader can fill in with their own experiences. I very much loved this.

unboundpoetess
Member

since 2008-05-24

Posts 477

8 posted 2009-04-16 06:17 PM

BC-
Thanks for the touch.

CM-
Thank you for the compliment.

Dog-
Thank you, and so nice to meet you here.

AnnieP.-
I like short ones, too. Thanks for having a look.

Osprey-
Spot on interpretation. A few twists on the words are only for me. I was influenced to write this by a recent submission of Susan Caldwell's. TY

Dark-
Glad to see you drop by, and TY.

CG-
It's deeply gratifying to please a fellow poet. TY

Heather

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 1149
Bangalore,India

9 posted 2009-04-17 06:13 AM

A tale of emptiness and sorrowful memories turning to pages makes one think.

"Hardwork pays in the long run"

unboundpoetess
Member

since 2008-05-24

Posts 477

10 posted 2009-04-18 12:17 PM

Prasad-
Thanks for looking in on my inside.

Heather

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