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Davepth
New Member

since 2009-03-30

Posts 8
Venlo, Netherlands

0 posted 2009-04-02 03:52 PM

Helloooo again =D I made a little thing today...hope you guys & girls like it =D
Soothing Light

Having hope in life means having someone to care,
Someone who's love you can share,
Having someone to return home to, a light in the dark,
Someone that will light your heart with a great spark.

I miss that one love, I need to find a home,
But as they said, all roads lead to Rome,
I'll find my own heart, my place to stay,
That one person, that won't fade away.

I need somebody, that I can share my love to,
Somebody that I will love through and through,
I will never lose that person, not in my life,
That person that I wish would be my wife.

As the rose pedals fall down among us together,
We will stay here, we will last forever,
What ever comes at us, we will get over it,
And our hearts will be healed, they'll be lit.

A soothing light will envelop our soul,
We will, together, be fully whole,
As the sun shines on our skin, we wish to last,
To forever be bound, never into the wind we'll be cast.

I will love you, more than anyone else could have tried,
I will stay by your side, All through the night.
For my love for you is bound to last for great time,
And that, is why I will make this rhyme.
Well, that was it...Hope you enjoyed.

Critis are ofcourse welcome, as it'll only make me improve ^_^
~Dave

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2009-04-02 05:28 PM

This is nicely done, Dave, and welcome to Pip!

Love,
Margherita

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

2 posted 2009-04-02 06:27 PM

Welcome to Pip!
Enjoyed the read
Hope you enjoy it here
as much as I do!

ARCTIC WIND

Boshii2
Member

since 2009-02-01

Posts 146

3 posted 2009-04-02 07:19 PM

you made me sit and reminisce....my true love and our hope
kind regards Boshii2

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2009-04-02 10:40 PM

I kinda feel like it's rude of me to critique a new poet...but you did ask, k?

I would have preferred to see a metaphor utilized here, and hey? I do know how difficult it is to write a love poem (or even harder? a romance novel!!)

Your sincerity does shine through, and that is what counts for me.

If you like critique, you might want to check your profile to make sure that the critque "flag" is on.

And btw, I did enjoy this--smile. I see love as like, a teal-infused liquid light.

So you had me at "hello".

Welcome to Pip!

Davepth
New Member

since 2009-03-30

Posts 8
Venlo, Netherlands

5 posted 2009-04-03 09:58 AM

Thank you for the critique, serenity blaze, I'll try to remember the metaphors idea =D And yeah, I did ask, because then I see what other's disliked and liked about it..which is great =D

thank you for the comments, it's really appriciated =D

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

6 posted 2009-04-03 12:05 PM

Hello! Welcome to pipTalk!

~ May your life be rife with love & Light!

Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug,

Earth Angel

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