»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #44
»
Returning (kind of long)
| Open Poetry #44 |
|
Returning (kind of long) |
|
|
critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
He was always introverted till he learned to face his fear of a place that's deep within him half a lifetime buried there only fools would ever dare trudge into forgotten places not knowing what he will find through his memories he's paging breaking through the warp of time to the edges of his mind where he sorts through scattered volumes of the punishments he got can the hourglass be pardoned for the doctrines he forgot twisted lessons left to rot with a boy who sits in silence holding words he never said garbled pleas on scrolls of malice hidden here inside his head desperate words no one has read words that sprawl before him wounded like a sonnet out of rhyme casualties that hold no logic in a panic left behind bruises from another time when the child's mind was battered and coherent thought in vain can the art of verse be useful if the author is insane still the scribbled thoughts remain and he pulls them close to read the broken pencil refugees only when he takes the burden can he set the child free and he screams in agony for into his mind was ushered all the pain once held at bay by a child who scribbled madly and then tucked himself away dues were paid from day to day by a child who wouldn't surrender for a moment holds his stare then he's gone into the darkness and a silence fills the air only fools and children share in the truth behind the anger and he tries to comprehend how could God have cast a child into drunken reckless hands cruel way to build a man who with pen will raise a marker for the multitudes to view it will be a final statement for the child he never knew Paid in full, no more is due. |
||
| © Copyright 2009 critical mass - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
unboundpoetess Member
since 2008-05-24
Posts 477 |
Powerful and emotional write. I've met this child a few times. I like your style. Heather |
||
|
Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Emotional Write Indeed! ~ I really was drawn into it!   ARCTIC WIND |
||
|
Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
An emotional write that touches me personally. I understand what you are saying here and you say it very well. Ida |
||
|
critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
unboundpoetess Artic Wind Marchmadness This was one of my first endeavors of confessional poetry. Glad it was well received. Thanks to all of you. |
||
|
ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Excellent presentation... such burdens sear into the soul of one so young... I could relate to this. Stunning choice of format. Really lent itself well to the power of the content. Welcome to Passions |
||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yes, this is poem carries an emotional message, yet - what hooked me was the way in which you wrote it. It is a pleasure to read out loud as the words just flow and rhyme and twist around each other. Good job. I am really happy that have joined us here. Alison |
||
|
critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
ThisDiamond Alison Thank you both for your replies. I thought that by not using and end stop of rhyme on each stanza it would help the flow into the next. This originally was not written this way. Rewrite rewrite rewrite |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
all the pain once held at bay by a child who scribbled madly and then tucked himself away dues were paid from day to day by a child who wouldn't surrender Oh, my... sometimes I get sucked right into a poem... this is that good. *S* Welcome to Passions! |
||
|
critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
suthern Thanks for the welcome, glad you enjoyed this. |
||
|
Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
An excellent and emotional read. Very powerful. Thanks for sharing and welcome. Eloise |
||
|
ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Intense emotional write! Well done! Eric |
||
|
critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
Eloise ethome Thanks for stopping by and your nice comments |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
