Open Poetry #44 |
Shame |
gdcod2player Member
since 2008-07-26
Posts 117 |
Life is ran by corporations So many scams and lies Let’s go and look to see what’s left I don’t think I have much more The heart I had is leaving me Life can’t be fair How much can I have left? A wallet full of nothing Establishments have gone away How can we live with the burden of what’s next? We feel the pain he has left behind The blinded home He has no shame (not happy with it) i really havent felt like i have been doing my best it bothers me =( i havent had the same motivation as i had in the past. I just want to know what you all think and feel about what i write so i can become a better writer thank you -jared |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Jared, we all lose motivation and inspiration at times it comes back |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
I would start playing with the words or introducing meter. I would be careful though to maintain flow in a poem. with out flow a poem becomes quite hard to read. Another tip is to show not tell. Try to trigger emotions by using images. Further lots and lots of practice. It doesn't come over night with most of us. Also be honest, so honest it hurts. Juju -Juju |
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