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Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

0 posted 2009-03-04 09:19 PM

It was very cold
when the client picked
Bones up that night.

The client told Bones
to sit in the back seat of the car,
so,
of course he did.

The back seat of the cold car
was made of red vinyl.

The red vinyl
was cold,
cracked,
and hard.

None of this gave Bones
a very comfortable feeling
about the night ahead.

It was all rather frightening,
and Bones never frightens easily.

What is going to happen
to him,
what is this guy
going to do
to him,
Bones wonders?

Bobby

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

1 posted 2009-03-04 09:42 PM

Bobby,

The red vinyl
was cold,
cracked,
and hard.

That single stanza brought up a vivid picture of the car in my mind. I like the minimalist approach, very effective.

This time though, I was somewhat disappointed at the ending. I am not too fond of pieces that end with a question, perhaps that's just me.

Mark

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

2 posted 2009-03-04 09:58 PM

Thanks Mark,

I sometimes end poems this way, with a question. It's good to know that doesn't work with some people, such as yourself. I'll have to think about that.

Of course I will now, or later, come up with an answer to Bones questions.

Bobby

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

3 posted 2009-03-04 10:23 PM

Bobby,

Perhaps it's just me, but I like to trust the reader to formulate his own questions. And your poetry sure does bring a lot of questions to my mind, that is something you seem to achieve naturally. No need to gild the lily. It will be interesting to see what others have to say.

Mark

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

4 posted 2009-03-04 10:28 PM

By the way, Bobby, I am still waiting for your response to Carnivalesque Arabesque: /pip/Forum100/HTML/001170.html

Somehow, I think that your insight would prove more than useful for my next revision of that piece.

Thanks,

Mark

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

5 posted 2009-03-04 10:30 PM

Thanks Mark,

I've just commented on your poem. I don't know how helpful my comments will be for you.

BTW Mark, I have my own way of writing, I'm an old man, it's hard to change the way I write. Some people like the way I write, and of course, some people don't.

I do wish my books would sell better.

Bobby

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

6 posted 2009-03-04 11:04 PM

Thanks Bobby, will go have a look. It was but a personal suggestion, by no means would I want you to change your writing style. I didn't know you had published already, though I'm not surprised

I'll sure try to put my hand on one of your books.

Mark

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

7 posted 2009-03-04 11:10 PM

Thanks Mark,

Here is the URL where you can find all of my books at Amazon. They are also for sale at other places on the Internet.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks& field-keywords=Robert+E.+Jordan&x=6&y=18

Bobby

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

8 posted 2009-03-04 11:27 PM

Thanks Bobby, I've got to go to work now, but I have bookmarked the page.

Mark

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

9 posted 2009-03-04 11:43 PM

Thanks Mark,

They are all under "Robert E. Jordan". The titles are:

"Felix", "Muck", "Marika", "Sarfons", and "City Boy Stays Alive".

"City Boy Stays Alive" is kind of my autobiography.

I used to do the night shift too.

Bobby

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

10 posted 2009-03-05 03:37 AM

Scary for Bones.
He goes through a lot of mental anguish. Yet, he finds a reason to keep going.
Wonderful inner strength.

Waiting for the answer to that question....(smile)....

Eric

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

11 posted 2009-03-05 10:47 AM

Thanks Eric,

Yes, it was scary. However, we all know that Bones can handle it.

Bobby

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

12 posted 2009-03-06 07:43 PM

Bobby,

Normally, I am not big on questions at the end of a poem either, but I know you will be back and Bones will be back to provide the answers. After reading three of your books, I have come to understand that your poems tell the story - each is a chapter of their own.

Thank you for sharing Bones, Felix, Marika, and all of the friends that I have met through you.

Alison

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

13 posted 2009-03-06 08:23 PM

Thanks dear Alison,

I am very pleased that you have met some of my friends, and made them yours.

Thank you very much for reading my books.

Love Bobby

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

14 posted 2009-03-06 08:55 PM

I don't believe we own books, I believe they own us. So, Bobby, three of your books have adopted me and reside happily on my bookshelf.

Love,
A

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

15 posted 2009-03-06 09:16 PM

Chilling

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

16 posted 2009-03-06 09:19 PM

Thanks dear Alison,

I hope that Marika, Felix, and Muck will be happy with you.

Love Bobby

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

17 posted 2009-03-06 09:21 PM

Thanks dear Juju,

Yes, it was cold that night, and Bones was frightened.

Love Bobby

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

18 posted 2009-03-06 10:33 PM

Bobby - what happened, what happened to Bones, please continue this...

BC

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

19 posted 2009-03-07 01:39 PM

Thanks Bill,

The next poem is "Bones At The Big House" posted above.

Thanks for the kind words for the Bones series.

Bobby

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