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Will U B my Boo? (please give me your comments)
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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Will U B my Boo? (please give me your comments) |
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LOVEFOOL New Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 5Louisville, KY, USA |
Oh boy, I love you so much But you don't even know I'm alive I see you everyday in the halls But to you I just blend in with the walls You look so hot in that tight FuBu I want to know, will U B my boo? Boy if you would just be my boo, I promise I won't be shady with the favors I need you so much I don't know what to do, Would you puh-leezee be my boo? |
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| © Copyright 1999 LOVEFOOL - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
I can honestly say that that was one of the most disgusting examples of what mainstream america has created. Not only was it unimaginative, it just proves my point that in America we are much too concerned with l;ooks, style and the all important SEX. i do apologize if i sound cruel, but thats my opinion...... "Sex, Drug, Violence, America (We're so broke we can't even pay attention)" -KMFDM- |
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SwEeTbAbY New Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 2chicago, illinois |
S.D.- what you said to lovefool was cruel... this forum is not here so that you can make others feel worthless, it's here to teach. if you want to criticze someone, always start with yourself. not only will you be a better poet it for it, but you will also appear less of a fool by saying such things. mainstream america is only for some, but all people have feelings. |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Maybe what I said was cruel, but i have learned the hard way that sometimes cruelty is the best way to make you think about yourself..... Im sorry if i look like a hypocrite...but ive held my feelings back far too long, and if anyone hates my poetry, which im sure alot of you would....feel free to rip it apart....... I just wanted to make the point that the poem wasn't very good, and that America has gotten tro the point where you cant talk to anyone under 20 and understand what it is they are trying to say because its riddled with slang and spoken in that irritating Jenny Jones guest voice..... This is what America has made, and what its made me.....and if America doesn't like me or the way I am, it can blame itself.... once again, I do apologize if i sound heartless, but it's my belief "Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country has done to you" -KMFDM- |
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Maitay Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 158Sisters,OR,USA |
That poem difinitly had it's faults, and SD was right about alot of stuff. Ya, he could have said it nicer, but he didn't. That poem really was so fake, like they had to force it. It is probably better then the thoughts that I post but still I have to agree with SD. ------------------ ~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~ ~Maitay Mirabel Litton~ |
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Mya15 Junior Member
since 1999-07-19
Posts 16Sunrise,Fl,33351 |
I just want to know Sytematic, did you mean America, or a certain type of minority in America?The point that you are trying to make seems clear but somewhat muddled. Anyways.... I think that this poem could use a little taste to be honest. I really don't think that street slang should be used in a love poem, which is what this seems to be. Try writing a poem that totally contradicts your thoughts and see what you can make out of that. ( But I think that your gesture towards the person is sweet anyways  ) |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
SD is right about a lot of things, and he has every right to express his opinions. I also think that this poem could be a lot better. There is too much slang to make a good love poem, as Mya said. I did not like the line "I promise I won't be shady with the favors". It makes the author sound easy. ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." |
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Taeira Junior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 26 |
I just wanna know how u can love someone so much when ur poem states that u dont even know them? that doesnt sound like love to me..i dont know what love is..but i know it isnt that..and 'i wont be shady on the favors' that isnt a healthy way to try to get someone... |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
I didn't mean any sort of minority in america when i criticized it. There are no minorities in America,,,,,,not by race anyway.....Black, White, Mexican, Asian.....what does it matter...the only people who discriminate upon race anymore are the losers that want to put themselves higher than everyone else....you know, the wanabe KKK members....that type. I think that people who actually have ideas that they put forth in an intelligent manner are the minority....I feel I am in this group. Alot of people think I am going to blow up a school, but theres a difference between me and the kids who snap and shoot up a school. I can express ideas intelligently, if not a little abrasively. They.....well, their way of expressing ideas obviously wasn't intelligent...... Well im babbling and Im completely off the subject so ill simply shut up now [This message has been edited by Systematic Decay (edited 09-19-99).] |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
True enough, the poem involved far too much slang to be a good poem. And the "shady with the favors" part does make the person sound easy. This poem isn't about love. It's about lusting after some boy the girl is totally infatuated with without knowing. |
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