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~Melancholy_Blue~
New Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1
Louisiana, US

0 posted 1999-09-22 03:24 PM

This the first poem I have ever written please give me some positive feedback and suggestions to improve my writing.

A Love Poem for Thee

The sun shines in the morning when I think of you
As I smell the fresh air and feel the wet dew
I look around and so much to see and
No one is around I think where are we.
Then out of no where you appear- I smile as you come near.

I hear your voice as we stand around
I notice no one else is around.
The ground feels wet from the night before
Let us as they say "Quoth the raven never more.

Suddenly I hear something
As a passing car goes by
A group of people standing and looking at thee
They draw near as their bodies appear
AS the dense fog comes to clear

They draw near and become so clear
As they are noticeable to thee
Tis our friends we see standing there
looking at me.
I say as hi as they walk by and say bye.

We're alone again I see
Hours after talking to thee
And how lucky I am to have thee
The hours draw near and
It comes time to say Goodbye dear.

As we hug goodbye I say
You say I'll call you
Sometimes as you softly
Whisper in my ear how you feel about me.

Goodbye sweet love of mine
Shall we meet later to dine
Sure said thee I'll meet you at nine.

Tara Simms
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 1244
Honea Path, SC USA

1 posted 1999-09-22 03:34 PM

I think your writing will improve greatly with time. First suggestion, you were going for a rhyme scheme and you lost it in stanza 3. Also, your rhyme scheme keeps changing. your stanzas go from a,a,b,b to a,b,a,b. either way will work but you need to keep it consistent.

keep plugging away at it! you'll get the hang of it.

------------------
Work like you don't need the money, love like it's never going to hurt, dance like nobody's watching.

startin_fresh
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 137
US

2 posted 1999-09-29 12:29 PM

Hello:

I read you first poem and think you are off to a good start. I wish you luck and encourage you to keep writing. Poetry is something from within = not from outside of you. If you need help don't hesitate to ask.. I am sure many of our poetic friends will be more than happy to help you.

Startin_fresh
a/k/a
Dad

------------------
Courage is the price that life exacts
for granting peace with yourself.
--Amelia Earhart

Jimmy
Junior Member

since 1999-07-17

Posts 42
Oak Grove

3 posted 1999-10-03 12:47 PM

good work. u can do whatever you put your mind to if you try.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

4 posted 2007-11-13 07:46 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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