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why do looks matter so much!
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why do looks matter so much! |
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lone_rider Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 19 |
Ok,High school years are meant to be the best years of your life...WELL MINE ARNT! i honestly d0nt understand. Whats so great about: stress,suicidal deaths,being picked on because of your looks,Getting called names? Well im a very confident person and some one who will talk 2 every1 and just happy. But I am overweight not very much jus a little,And i get teased.While there are people MUCH MUCH bigger then me at my school. And i dont understand. Because if someone says something to me i usually have a come back back. But as soon as the boys/girls say "your fat" i shut my mouth. I have nothing to say back. Because im scared because i know its true.And i usually wont give up a fight im to stubborn and i want to win. But ive stoped that many times because u get called names like "mole" or "beast" and im honestly not that big. And i dont know why people do it.and im starting to not know how to cope with this. Can you help? Please? |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
HMM, high school is a horrible time (or at least from what i remember), but thank goodness it only lasts four years. I PROMISE you that when you go to college it will not be anything like high school. Kids can be wierd at times, they are dealing with their own insecurities as well. basically, if you are happy with yourself that really really is all that matters. if other people tease you about your weight you response can be "what business is it of yours"? cause truly, its none of their darned business. dont ever let people get to you so much you start to doubt yourself you are worth more than that. struggle through, then graduate...the world is a much bigger place  |
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Dark Kisses Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 364Flat lands of Kansas |
Of course my high school days have been quite a few years ago, but from what I remember kids pick on the weaker ones. Not saying it is right, but it always happens that way. Stand strong and always hold your ground. Don't let them now it bothers you and soon it wont be much fun for them anymore. Most bullies only pick on others because it helps them feel better about themselves. Just remember this.... weight can be lost.... rudeness can last a lifetime and it normally does. My older brother has always been a *bigger* person. When kids called him fat, his reply was always *and your point is.....?* (in a VERY firm tone) High School is a tough time on everyone. So most likely the ones teasing you, have much bIGGER problems than what they care to admit. My advice is... keep smiling, enjoy life, and NEVER let them know it bothers you. Good Luck!!!! |
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IndigoEve Member
since 2003-01-10
Posts 279Etched in the illusion of time |
Typically, people who do that are shallow and cannot quite compensate for their own insecurities. Believe me, I know how hard it is since my school has never been discreet about letting others know their flaws. Like DK said, never let them know it stings, because they love to feed off of that. (I have no idea why people enjoy doing this, but I guess it will remain a perpetual mystery to me.) It took me a while to stop worrying and caring about what they had to say, though now I've developed enough of a shell and shown myself that they don't have the slightest idea of what the truth is. You are better than they are. I think about what Muted said (there is a much bigger world beyond highschool) and that's how I get through my last few years. If you are able to recognize this factor, congratulations! You should be very proud you aren't one of the immature ones who tease you, because they are still trapped a trivial and petty world. Be strong!! Remember, salvation (graduation, teehee) isn't too far away. If I were to touch you, would you bleed a velvet river, running miracles through the sodden ground? --Moi |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Look I know it's hard, and easy for others not in your shoes to say, but you have to ignore their BS and enjoy high school. I not only survived high school but had fun with it only because I lived those years on my terms, not caring what people thought. If you can master that detachment from others perceptions NOTHING can stop you in life. It's something I lost and am trying to relearn. And I know that some will tell you turn the other cheek but we know that's not always possible. One on way I got around things was to develop so many self deprecating jokes that by the time I was finished, nobody else had anything to say about me(although the danger here is that you begin to believe your own negative hype). Also I developed an arsenal of counter attacks for all occasions. Here's one to get you started. "Man, you're fat" "Yeah, I'm a depression eater, I see your ugly face all day, get depressed and eat." It's not grade A material but just something to get you started. Detach..enjoy  |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
When they say 'you're fat'...just say this: I'm saving up for global warming. Trust me, when the world freezes over, the skinny people will die first!  |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
hey....currently i am in high school.....a sophmore....and i just wanted to give my thoughts on this.... first.....high school....can be cool....can be great....but you have to make it that way. you can't let stupid comments like that get to you.....because who are they to sit there and tell you who you are.... seriously it just doesn't make any sense. now up until a year or two ago i was the dork...the loser....the one who took all the comments to heart and believed them. then last year i went through this "stage" i guess you could call it......i had a heartbreak....and it made me realize a lot....like why should i really care what people think. as for the "fat" comments.....its more of a question of what do you think of yourself. i have always believed that sitting there and feeling sorry for yourself doesn't help any.....if you sit there and call yourself fat and whatever...yea your gonna believe it and not do anything about it. but if you get up and get outside and do physical activies....then you are gonna be proud of yourself that you did it but yea...if that made any sense.... i just believe that you shouldn't care what people think and don't judge people on their looks and life would be a lot better.... thanks for letting me put my two cents in.... <3 riley no matter what i'll always love you |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Hey I just graduated. When some one says your fat they are just insecure about there own weight. |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
This is going to sound bizarre, but I was picked on tremendously in junior high as they new how sensitive I was. And as said above, the predators feed upon those they can obtain the required reaction from. By 10th grade, I'd had enough, and had developed a very thick skin, so thick, so distant did I become, my best friends girlfriends said they were afraid to say "hi" to me as they thought I'd knock them across the hall. Now this is why this is bizzare, I watched Bruce Lee movies. Do you know who he is? He was one incredible martial artist. I saw his attitude. I adopted that attitude. I also swore I'd never let them see me cry. I walked through highschool with a "I don't give a damn" attitude and led a very happy life outside of highschool. I never went to a school dance. I never dated a highschool boy. I didn't go to school functions. Yet, I lead a very active and happy life outside of school. I went and I learned, and kicked butt acedemically, (though I've never learned how to spell). It took me years, then, to loose the walls. Out of high school, I no longer needed them. And whoever said highschool is the best years of their life has yet to live through their 20s and 30s. And I know that it will only get better. I ask you to seek out books of wisdom that will help you see the whole picture, rather than the skewed view that comes from youth and the media. Check out books written by the Dalai Lama, I guarantee you, you will develope a sense of self and you will need no walls, no kick butt attitude, for you will see the world as it is and you as you are and your potential. Looks mean nothing. Character means everything. And though I do not have a weight problem, my mother was very large and I saw how she suffered. It is wrong, just plain wrong. Perhaps by developing a sense of compassion and kindness towards those who toss such barbs, you can transcend your pain and teach them that in truth, love is what matters most. Best to you. Do not fear, time passes, wounds heal and you are not alone. Susan Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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lone_rider Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 19 |
Hi i just wanted to say THANKS SOOOO MUCH! You may not know it, But you've honestly made my life a hell of alot better! And your comebacks DO work! Yeah ill now get the occasianl "Your fat" But i just dont care,Because the people i actuallty care about dont say anything nasty to me. So the people that say those sort of things are nothing in my life and im going to keep it that way! THANKS ALOT! You've really changed my life hugs n kisses |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
One thing though, making jokes about it, about yourself, don't go as far to the point that you begin to believe these things youre saying or what they are saying to you, if you say 'yeah i know i'm fat and worthless' you can start to abuse your own self. You don't have to ridicule yourself by making a joke out of the situation. You could end up believing the things you start to say about yourself, and the overall positive outlook and confidence you seem to have, may be lost. It's good to have comebacks, and for a while they feel good, but if you then give the impression that its ok to make uneccessary jokes, you're only going to be going round in circles. I don't know if i'm making sense, but I just hate to see people having to make a joke out of themselves when there's no need. There are plenty of people you'll meet in life, i'm sure, who don't rank looks as the most important thing about a person. It's just that, unfortunately, you're at the stage in life (school) where everyone around you, is probably the most insecure about themselves that they'll ever be. And so it brings out the worst in people, like resorting to name calling, bullying etc. You sound like a very level headed person, you know there's nothing wrong with who you are, which is great. Keep up the confidence and positivity, and good luck! |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
Darlin,,,,Im a big girl,,,,6feet, 300 pounds worth,,,,and dig it,,,I had that woe,,at first,in school,,,the worse the taunts,,the louder I laughed,,and gave them better ones to use,,,,after a spell, they became pals, lol,,,,once they see they aren't getting to you,,,they start to want to see what makes ya tick,,and will usually find the good stuff to like,,,,no matter what,,,people will pick on something,,,looks, size, color, accent,,you name it,,,,,dont let it get to ya,,,,turn it around,,be strong and beautiful,,,, Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Thats good. But take some advise I was teased cause I was cathlic and was following my religion, not that I was a zealot.... Because I becAme pretty and there was nothing else to tease, so thats what they did. I was not "Date" material, but "marriage". So to get back at them I swore I never would marry any of them and pretend they didn't exist unless I had to deal with them. some say I'm over generalizing and MY sisters boyfriend calls me Hitler. But heh I am not going to let my self get used. I am above that. 3guys allready asked my out. I said no. It was fun. My point is there is more poeple out there, don't limite your self to the poeple in highschool. Don't scare off your friends though. You will need them. If they bad friends ditch them. believe me (from experience.) your better alone. \ Juju |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
You describe basic primate behavior. Humans ARE primates; the younger the human, the less developed the frame of reference. We have gradually extended human development way beyond the clock built into the wiring of the species. Your's is the species' original adult breeding age group; OF COURSE appearance and the biology of physical attraction is extremely active. An alien species observing human high school students might think humans are little more than hormones, mouth and feet all laced together with uncontrolled libido. (That is of course only if the alien species even had a frame of reference on those items of biology.) In current Western culture, childhood and adolescence combined have been extended to almost three decades. This is a span of time which, for our ancestors, would have represented a very long life; 6 was the age of reason and responsibility; 9 was the beginning of young adulthood; 15 was middle-aged; 30 was old; 40, almost always was dead. In today's illogically youth oriented career focused culture, 30 is simply the beginning of the period of personal establishment in a life, a time when some understanding of life might actually occur. You will be out of high school a lot longer than you will be in it. You chose this life for the lessons that could be learned in it; no guarantees were made that all learning would be painless. Unless you are motivated to find it, there is very little built into compulsory education beyond learning to read simple messages, to follow simple directions, to sign your name correctly, to know enough math be able to make change with money, and to be docile enough to keep your mouth shut in an over-crowded over-heated room. Real education, like real friendship, is available, but you have to be willing to go find it; no one will give it to you as a gift. The only gift you get is life; fat or thin, make the most of it. The rest comes with time. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
hmm... well, i would say something to help, but i am a lot like you. I am not really fat, i am a little overweight, and most of my weight is in my upper body...(my breasts) i am 5'5 150 pounds which isnt too bad, but i am definetly not skinny. I can stand people calling me names, i hear b**** a lot, and i dont mind it, because usually i am one, it is the truth. But if you throw a fat in there, your ass is mine...that is how i deal with it. Which, may not be the answer for you. The only advice i can give, is to stand up for yourself. I am not saying go beat the hell out of everyone, because one thing i have learned is sometimes, violence really isnt the answer (sometimes) ~lol~ Just dont let them see that it gets to you. Karissa I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
honestly in my opinion hich school is definatley not the best years of you life...people are ignorant and mean...and when most of those people go to college they will either change or the tables will turn on them. high school is just full of kids who think the know it all and have the world figured out when noone has a clue...and let me tell you you are ahead of the game but not letting most of it bother you..i know some comments are almost impossible to ignore, but it makes you a stronger person...i used to get made fun of everyday for tons of things...most common was myt last name which is cockrell, so you can only imagine...but my point it after highschool all those toughguys and gals are going to relize once they step out into a world much bigger than highschool life that life is not really like that and if they keep it up they will be alone...but anyways keep your head up...i know it seems like the hardest time in your life, but it is a great learning experiance on how to deal with people, and aholes at that, cause there are a lot of them in this world and most of them never got past highschool and are working at a fast food joint when ther are 35. so dont sweat it, keep on keeping on, doing what ever you can to block them out and if they do get to you let your feeling out weather it be on paper to a friend or a punching bag... Pimpin and panderin, on a level you can't serve, dismantle, nouns, pronouns, adverbs, and verbs |
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sim0riah Member
since 2004-09-07
Posts 253Wyoming USA |
High School I agree isn't the best years there are arrogent, selfish, people trying to fit in or stand out. First of all the problem has nothing to do with you..People tend to pick on others to satisfy their own shortcomings..It takes a kind heart to turn the other cheek..Although its hard to do sometimes..Just remember that Character is made by what you stand for; reputation by what you fall for. Also Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest. sim0riah Only at night you can see the depth of the sun |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
You do have a good selection of advise and suggestions here. I don't care to add more than has been said except the word self-esteem. Just start feeling good about yourself and what other people think and say won't matter. You might want to get into a weight loss program but only because of the health issue and that will feed back into feeling good about yourself.Before you know it you will be out of the high school phase and onto others where you will be more in charge of what and how you do things. |
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Cute Aquarius
Unregistered
New MemberPosts 4 |
You know, I hated high school...it's only a select few that get to be popular in high school...and others, well, we gotta learn how to deal...but it's true...university is not the same at all. MY BEST YEARS of school were at university...(just graduated)...met lots of great and different people...just bear this for a little more...and God bless! |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
There is a Chinese saying: “I wept because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” There are over 6 billion people on the planet currently. Please guess how many would trade places with you. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
funny, that is an American saying too... |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Yea, it's a great saying for someone who doesn't want anyone else to have shoes. |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
“When Xerxes had come into the midst of Abydos, he had a desire to see all the army; and there had been made purposely for him beforehand upon a hill in this place a raised seat of white stone, which the people of Abydos had built at the command of the king given beforehand. There he took his seat, and looking down upon the shore he gazed both upon the land-army and the ships; and gazing upon them he had a longing to see a contest take place between the ships; and when it had taken place and the Phoenicians of Sidon were victorious, he was delighted both with the contest and with the whole armament. And seeing all the Hellespont covered over with the ships, and all the shores and the plains of Abydos full of men, then Xerxes pronounced himself a happy man, and after that he fell to weeping. Artabanus his uncle therefore perceiving him [...] having observed that Xerxes wept, asked as follows: "O king, how far different from one another are the things which thou hast done now and a short while before now! for having pronounced thyself a happy man, thou art now shedding tears." He said: "Yea, for after I had reckoned up, it came into my mind to feel pity at the thought how brief was the whole life of man, seeing that of these multitudes not one will be alive when a hundred years have gone by." Artabanus then made answer and said: "To another evil more pitiful than this we are made subject in the course of our life; for in the period of life, short as it is, no man, either of these here or of others, is made by nature so happy, that there will not come to him many times, and not once only, the desire to be dead rather than to live."” Herodotus, The Histories 7.44-45 Or maybe something Karen Carpenter said would be more helpful… |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Artabanus was wrong. Twice. |
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