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My daughter
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My daughter |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon 
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Just somewhere to post what is most upon my mind these days. My daughter is now in a Christian home. She was placed there by my husband when I left, (I can't blame him) he had no choice as he needed to get out on the road. I see her once a month and she comes home at Thanksgiving and Christmas. She is doing well where she is, academically, as well as spiritually. She is also so much calmer and no longer has headaches and her hands have at last stopped shaking. My husband is very strict. Enough said. The thing is, she has now decided, that when the two years is up, which is how long she is required to stay there, she wants to continue to go to school there and stay there during the school year. This place is a 2 1/2 hour drive from where I live. She wants only to spend summers with her father and I. I don't blame her at all, and think it will be the best thing for her. She is now a straight A student and can even go to college right there at the home. But I would be less than a mother if I said this doesn't hurt me deeply. She is the only child I have that is young enough to be living at home with me, and she doesn't really want to. I am willing to do whatever makes her happy and whatever is best for her well-being, but this tears me up inside. Her father is not happy about this, but has agreed to let her because I convinced him that it would be best for her in the long run. Of course I heard all the blame all over again for her being there in the first place, and he believes it is just what I wanted all along, not to have to take care of her. I don't even listen to that kind of stuff anymore. I'm not even sure why I posted this here. I guess I'm just feeling really kind of lost and alone in all this mess, and I needed to get it out of me before I scream, or cry, or just shut down. Thanks for listening. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Anne Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
On many levels, I understand. You and your family are in my prayers. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I think we all want what is best for our kids. I remember sending my daughter off to the Air Force! It broke my heart, but it was what she wanted. I think it shows how much you love your daughter, how much you want her to succeed in life. And that's a good thing. |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Believe me when I say that she will appreciate what you're doing  She may not truly appreciate it right now, but one day she'll be out in the world on her own and realise what you gave for her. I only know this because I know what my parents have /are giving up for me right now... a year ago I wouldn't have appreciated it at all. But it will come, I promise |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Anne, It was so tempting to link your daughter's picture here. What a beautiful girl. Oh the heartache of a broken home. Your pain is so real and personal to me. I raised my son and my ex raised my daughter. I know your challenge well. And it took many years for me to be able to put that hurt to rest. It is good you are talking about it. I'm hoping to see some poetry dealing with the topic. Peace and courage both. You are a brave mom.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. [This message has been edited by Larry C (11-13-2002 11:51 PM).] |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Thank you all for your kind and comforting words. It is something I will just have to live with I know. Still, it will be difficult at times. Larry, you are such a dear. She is indeed my dearest angel. She is precious to me. That is the latest pic I have and she didn't even want to give me that one for she was not fond of it at all. I, of course, think she is the most beautiful girl in all the world.  |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
You know, I hardly know you or under what chances all this came about, but I have to say I can NOT stand up and clap, for you either....maybe because they are so many children out there that long for that love of a parent....I hope your daughter heals, and I hope you heal too....I am really not trying to be rude here, I guess I just dont understand how you can leave your child? Greeneyes~ Deep inside the stillness |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Greeneyes, I don't know where you got the idea I wanted anyone to stand up and clap for me. The reasons behind my leaving were no excuse for leaving. It was a horrid thing to do and I now only wish to do what is best for her. I assure you, when it comes to being a mother, I failed miserably. I appreciate you reading and responding and did not find you to be rude in anyway. I ask myself the same exact question every single day. How could I have left her? I have no answer that satisfies even myself. [This message has been edited by WhiteRose (11-15-2002 11:18 AM).] |
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Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
I came back in to reply again to the above, but just found I couldnt....but needed to let you know how upsetting this post, and how affecting it really is.... GE [This message has been edited by Greeneyes (11-15-2002 01:42 PM).] |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
I give you a lot of credit for posting this. I did NOT think you were looking for sympathy. You implied you didn't know why you posted, or even if you should. I think you are a complex human being, like the rest of us, and may or may not have made a mistake. There is no manual on mothering. We learn as we/they grow. This is only a chapter in the life of you and your daughter. None of it sounds like the end of anything. Didn't I read she's at school, not shaking any more (from husband, not you?) Maybe subconsciously you knew she needed to be away from ~that~ ....which is not always easy to accomplish.... by you leaving you got her away from ~that~ which may save her untold, permanent damage if continued until she escaped by running away or got into a marriage to "get out".....so, maybe being without a mother is better than being under the stress it sounded like she was under....(ALWAYS SHAKING!) (Maybe I misread, that, I'll go back and reread it.) That is serious... Also, maybe you had to run away, period! We get to be human, and we do make horrific mistakes sometimes, all are forgivable.... how would we ever grow, were we perfect. There was only ever one perfect One..... I think only One can judge, and if there is a problem with this post it is that someone else has some abandonment issues which they need to deal with; so nice this post brought them to light. I'd be thanking you, myself. So often I've read poems that have touched a part of me, shut-down, or something I thought I had worked through, only to have it sear my heart...causing me to realize I have more work to do on that particular enlightenment..am I mad at the poet for ripping my heart out? I don't think so..... Anyway, good luck and God Bless you, your daughter and your husband as you work through this part of life... smiling here, wishing you the best...keep writing.... Hugs and warm regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
When we know better, we do better, isn’t that how the saying goes? I am glad to hear your daughter’s anxiety has stopped and with some regularity until she finishes school you will have done her more good than harm I would think. I would never judge you for there is only one who is capable of that job, but as a member of this community I sure can support you while you deal with a lot of loss, pain, and guilt. No one here is capable of giving you advise, nor should you listen really, but I do encourage you to seek it from a qualified source. I wish you peace, and in time you and your daughter will work it out, as long as blame does not enter into the conversation. I wish you all the very best of luck and I too also hope you write out your feelings, as I am sure you are not alone in what you are going through and in fact speaking the truth about your feelings might even help someone else who is totally lost in a maze of sadness and guilt. Take care and God bless. |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Thank you Pat, for your kindness, and for not judging. Thank you also Mysteria, for reading and for your kind response. |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
Some harm is done, but it was no one fault. Just hope in the future, time and your unfailing love will prove and show her that you didn't fail her. You always love you daughter I believe. And when you left, you surely didn't know how that would affect you and your family. If you were to know what was to come, you would never do that regardless what. I sure your daughter is more important to you than anything else. It's good that you don't blame the father. If I were you, I probably would. But you have a larger heart than I have. Please DO Write your feelings out, it helps alot to heal your soul. That will also be good evidence of your pain now, to be read by your daughters later, so she may understand from your point of view. Hang in there, things would get better. Eliza Simmons |
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alterego Member
since 2002-02-23
Posts 113Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
I just wanted to pop in here and offer some love and support. It's no picnic being a parent, and even harder when you want to be there, but circumstances just don't work out for it. What I can do is give you some assurances that "this, too, shall pass" is always a good phrase to hang onto. I speak from almost 40 years of experiencing the ups and downs of being a child-parent (too young to be a good parent), a daughter who left her wee-ones with my Mom (which, on retro-spec was probably the best for all, although hard for everyone at the time), and finally, as a Mom who now has the love and respect of both my grown-up kids, and two handsome grandsons. Don't ever give up on yourself, or your daughter, Anne, and cherish the times when you can be with her. She will remember. And perhaps when she is older, she will have gained the wisdom to see that you did care. Bless you!!!  Sheila Create something infinite today - Smile!!! |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
Eliza, thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. I am doing all I can to keep my spirits high. I leave on Thanksgiving morning to drive to pick up my daughter. She will be able to stay for a couple of days. I look forward to this more than I can say. Again thank you for reaching out. Sheila, I know that none of us are born parents. It's a learning process and I think I missed some of the lessons. I am hanging on to the hope, that as you say, she will know in the future that I did what was best for her. I miss her so much sometimes I think I may just die, but then I am reminded that she is in a place where she is happy and cared for, and is emotionally stable, which she was not before. Thank you for taking the time to read, to listen, and to respond with such caring. It is appreciated. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Anne, this post really touched my heart. I wasn't going to make a reply but I felt the need to do so. I want you to know that I wish you the very best in trying to do what you believe to be best for your daughter. I can tell by your post and your responses that your heart is aching for your daughter. I only have one child and because of situations and circumstances that I don't feel led to go into right now, she and I have not had the Mother-Daughter relationship that we both want for a few years. She is grown and married with her own children, now, but to me she is still my "little girl". We talked on the telephone the day after Thanksgiving for a very long time. She lives over 1300 miles from me, so we can't see each other very often. I said all that to say this, even after all the misunderstandings between me and my daughter, there is still a bond between us that nothing or no-one can break, no matter how hard they may try. I feel that bond is there between you and your daughter, too. Anne, may God bless you and your family, too. "Love makes the world go around" |
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