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Happy Anniversary |
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Ringo 
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes 
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Well... this is a strange course of events.... Today (well, officially yesterday) is the 12th anniversary of my wedding to my kid's mother... and I am sitting here alone actually thinking about it. Even though we are no longer together, and have absolutely no plans or desire to reunite, I still look out the window and realize that I am sitting in the dark thinking about her, and all that goes with it. When most people consider the day they got married to their ex, the phrases "Worst day of my life" or "the day my life got ruined" usually follow, yet I cannot think that way. I actually, DON'T think that way. The day I got married, I was madly, passionately, hopelessly in love with my wife. I am no longer IN love with her, however I still love her. She is the reason I have both of my children, and that can never be a bad thing. How is it possible to hate someone that presented you with the things that you love most in the entire world? And how can you regret being given those things? Because of recent events in my life, and in the lives of those around me, I have spent quite a few hours thinking of my life in the past few years, and especially about what went wrong with her, and why the friendship turned into hate, and then eventually (on my part) forgiveness. All of my thought sessions eventually turn into the question: Would I take her back if given the opportunity? Very easy answer is ,"I don't know, however I doubt it." The more realiztic answer is "I don't know, however I don't know." I can just hear my friends screaming at me "What in the (choose your favorite word for this spot) are you thinking... please don't tell me you are seriously thinking of getting back together with her..." NO I have absoutely no plans to go back and re-live that portion of my lilfe. I have, however, thought that maybe I shouldn't slam the door on that possibility at some point in the VERY distant future. I have friends that it has happened to, and it seems that every so often when I call to talk to my kids, she gets on and we talk for almost 10 minutes before she gives me the kids, and it is becoming increasingly civil and (almost) friendly... we even had a laugh at one point. Now, I am not stupid or pathetic enough to think that means she is in love with me or that she is willing to give it another go... and at this point, I am not willing. It's not a case of Once Bitten... It is a case of there is too much hurt, and anger on both sides, and too many words that need to be explained or taken back. There are too many things we've each done that need to be explained or apologized for... and we are not close enough to that stage of communication, yet. Besides.. I am having wayyyyy too much fun with my social life being the way that it is at the moment. (that is another thread unto itself) Actually, I would like to get to the stage with my ex that we are able to go out and do things with the kids together... as friends, not as a family,. Things such as taking them shopping for school clothes, or going to the kid's school functions without having to sit on opposite sides of the room. Hell... I would simply like to be able to see my kids on ANY holiday without being told I am intruding on "family" time. I am saving to get my kids to Washington, DC this summer next (which I have promised them for yerars) and I know that she wanted to go at one point.... I actually wouldn't mind her tagging along if she asked, (separate rooms, of course... the girls in one, the guys in the other) except that I know she wouldn't, and if she did, it would end up in a fight almost immediately and ruin it for my kids. I guess that is what all of my rambling is leading to... I don't want my life with her back... I just want her back in my llife... not even as friends... just as acquaintances.... So that I can send her flowers for her birthday, and not have it be (and have it seen as) a dig. The question I have is, I guess: What in the name of Thor's Holy Hammer is going on inside my so called brain? Is this sort of thing even possible? And, why is it happening to me? Well, that's enough of that... It's kinda hard to convince people you are an... well, the reason for Denis Leary's theme song... when you get all introspective and start rambling about stuff. Thanks for listening. When all is said |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
It's doable. And you have your head and heart in the right place - it's good for the kids to see that you can interact with each other. I think if you take small steps to calm the rift between you, it's possible to become friends for the sake of the kids....you'll do anything for them right?  Good luck! (Maybe you should send her this post?) |
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bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
Good one Ringo But with me, I sure have taken a lot of those steps, but the staircase seems like it never ends. My boys are grown and living on their own, but sure would like it for when they do get married and or have kids of their own, that the both of us can be in the same room at the same time. I would like to be able to have at least some communication so that when that happens, we could at least be civil. And would I ever, and I mean ever get back with her, same answer, don't know. We have both moved on with other's so don't even know if that is even in the picture. And like you, yes I still love her, she gave me a few hours shy of 25 yrs. Am I in love with her right now, I'd have to say no. Bernie  A smile a day keeps the world in smile's. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
"The day I got married, I was madly, passionately, hopelessly in love ..." ~*~ What's going on in your head? To me, it's the fact that there ARE no ill feelings being held by you toward her... and you just want to make sure the kids are never totally scarred from the mistakes made by their parents. Oh, I understand this very well.  |
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Cloud 9 Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980Ca |
Understanding this..... My daughter has some of his best qualities and that's what I fell in love with. Do I miss him....not at all, do I want him back.....not at all. There's too much that happened between us that's unforgiveable but I don't hate him. I have learned from this and I am moving on with my life. You don't marry someone just because, you marry them because you love them. Sometimes you just realize you are two different people wanting two completely different things in life, marriage..ect. |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
This was a good thought. Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
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