Vanishing Orb from the Poetry Workshop

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kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

0 posted 2004-02-12 05:33 PM

Vanishing Orb

As one we sought to strip you of all virtue.
Across all lands have we so boldly pillaged.
With greed our motivation have we raided.
We have laid you bare.

With each ignition fresh, we seek to conquer
The energetic sufferance of fuel.
No voice can still the screeching choir of “more”.
We have drilled you bare.

Our fathers worked beneath a different heaven.
Betook of you the bounty of their toil.
The clouds of noxiousness have met their sorrow.
We’ve obscured your sky.

The seas of sustenance have come up empty.
Your rivers run no longer with your salmon.
Four horsemen grin at infantile warfare.
The sun has gone out.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2004-02-12 06:39 PM

Excellent write Ken!
I must visit that poetry workshop..
Do you think I could ever perfect this form?
Very much enjoyed...tells me how much I have to learn.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

  ~ Whatever our souls are made of,
      his and mine are the same. ~

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

2 posted 2004-02-12 06:43 PM

Great poem with a bleak message! Grover.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-02-13 04:38 AM

stunning!

makes me think...great work!

"the sun has gone out"
what a punch

aujussy wolf

Senior Member

since 2003-08-09

Posts 1215
Michigan

4 posted 2004-02-13 07:14 AM

kick butt , i luv it .. takes me back to mythology class when i wrote a thing they called a hubris ... ahh anyway i wrote it ona similar subject , i feel this pain also
wage on brave knight , may you fairwell
wolf

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2004-02-13 10:53 AM

Very good, KJ, in that some would not only seem to seek to obliterate the earth for riches they cannot take with them, but bring a pall between us and that which gives us our very life.

I think you could have gone on a bit, and not have wearied the object of your ode, at all. Expound, man!

kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

6 posted 2004-02-13 11:07 AM

Thanks to all for their comments on my maiden voyage with this form of poetry. I like Sunshine's comment that this form can go on quite a bit. Perhaps I'll complete in another attempt. Thanks again! Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

7 posted 2004-02-24 09:00 AM

Great message! I hope that this is put in front of the environmentalists who will well recognize it and the politicians who need to see it.

Shenachie

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

8 posted 2004-02-26 09:53 PM

Much enjoyed, especially the last verse.

Well done kayjay~

sea_of_okc
Senior Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 568
Oklahoma City, OK, USA

9 posted 2004-02-26 10:03 PM

Powerful message and one I have oft contemplated. Very well done.

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