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tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

0 posted 2005-07-13 11:16 PM

As tears of love anoint my face,
I think about your sweet embrace.

I think of the day we first met,
the ground outside so soft and wet.

I remember the good times and try to forget the bad,
the best and worst times I've ever had.

One thing that makes it even worse,
is that you were my first.

As i wipe these tears off my face,
I remember your warm embrace.

I think of when you squeezed too tight,
and when we got in that huge fight.

I rememer you telling me that you cheated,
and that she was the one you really needed.

I still can't believe you did that to me,
my heart sunk down past my feet.

I cried my self to sleep every night,
trying to figure out what I did that wasn't right.

One thing I try and keep in my mind,
is that a guy like you isn't worth my precious time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My "theme poem"

LOVE NEEDS TO DIE

skoolyardturtle
Member

since 2005-06-28

Posts 96

1 posted 2005-07-14 01:03 AM

this one's really nice, i didn't find myself skipping lines at all. I think i'll save this one, good job

BabyGirl323
Junior Member

since 2005-07-15

Posts 11

2 posted 2005-07-15 12:43 PM

i like this. keep up the good work!!!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2005-07-15 10:25 AM

"One thing I try and keep in my mind,
is that a guy like you isn't worth my precious time."

exactly

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

4 posted 2005-07-15 12:30 PM

:p thanks guys!

LOVE NEEDS TO DIE

* shining star*
Member

since 2005-06-29

Posts 76
PA,USA

5 posted 2005-07-15 01:17 PM

I really like this! keep them coming!

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

6 posted 2005-07-15 02:25 PM

Very emotional write. If this was meant as an outlet, then forget what I'm about to say. But I did notice some places that could stand improvement.

For instance, you have a good rhythm going, but it breaks in some places. The line "I think of the day we first met" needs another syllable. The line "I remember the good times and try to forget the bad" is too long. There are a few other places like this that disrupt the flow of the poem.

I felt like the line "trying to figure out what I did that wasn't right" was awkward, like you were just trying to find a rhyme for "night."

You did an excellent job of expressing intense emotion in this one. It gave us a clear picture of the relationship, what happened, and where you're going from there. This is a good piece, and I hope you continue to share with us.

Alicia

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

~*BayBee*~
Member

since 2003-04-09

Posts 65
In The Clouds...

7 posted 2005-07-22 03:48 AM

Its always good to stand up and realize that it wasnt you who did tha wrong stuff.. Heartbreaks can be tough but theres always poetry to help us through it..Good work!
*Holly*

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

8 posted 2005-07-23 01:19 AM

I loved this poem laura!

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

9 posted 2005-07-23 01:32 AM

thanks alli bout time u come back around

LOVE NEEDS TO DIE

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

10 posted 2005-07-24 09:33 AM

cute!

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

intention
Member

since 2005-11-13

Posts 59
New Delhi, INDIA

11 posted 2005-12-14 11:12 AM

i was going through all ur posts and couldnot resist my self to tell u tht u have written simply awesome
sorry i got it late

shilpi

Love me for who i m

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

12 posted 2005-12-14 05:01 PM

thanks shilpi!!!i love looking through people's old stuff too!

Sexy
Member

since 2005-11-25

Posts 53

13 posted 2005-12-15 03:43 PM

I really love this one....Sexy

littlelauren
Junior Member

since 2005-12-30

Posts 25

14 posted 2006-01-06 05:10 PM

That's amazing!!!! I hope one day I can write a poem like yours so meaningful! thanks!!!
little Lauren
xxxxxxxx

xox.ice.cream.lover.xox
Junior Member

since 2006-01-07

Posts 20
Canada

15 posted 2006-01-07 03:29 PM

wow nice poem =D

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

16 posted 2006-01-07 07:24 PM

thanks!

how did you break my heart when it wasn't whole to start?

aol sn- tearsoflove13762

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