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Open Poetry #28
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Gethsemane Calls
| Open Poetry #28 |
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Gethsemane Calls |
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eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Okay, folks, I need some major criticism on this one. ex: strong/weak spots, lines that don't quite fit, etc. thanks. Gethsemane Calls I harvest the darkness To store in my opaque soul If this cup . . . The night echoes my laughter Joining in its praise Could pass from me . . . Silence beckons softly To the cataclysm in my embrace Let it be so . . . |
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| © Copyright 2003 eminor_angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
didnt know what the title was......... but i bumped you, so maybe someone will comment has potential a bit convuluted tho, even for me, the convuluted one  |
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Poe_Pot_Pie Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 107Canada |
Too many big words, for my little brain.  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
angel . . . I think it is perfect in its knowing . . . the execution is perfect how you crossed the thoughts with your words and I adore this . . . You see . . . i have always felt that the if the cup could be passed He would have wished for it , unfortunatley it couldnt and here . . . I see the thoughts of a man who knew his destiny and didnt really have any other choice but to wait . . . xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (08-15-2003 04:52 PM).] |
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