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Stacking Bales
| Open Poetry #25 |
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Stacking Bales |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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Stacking Bales The wild tea reek of raw hay beats back into nostrils worn ragged by the grass dust. The sun slides like an iron down my shoulders as I grab another bale, tight twines pulled hard through my gloves, wanting to cut in spite of the leather. Do it: one quick motion, jerk-turn-lift onto to the truck and up the stack, put it high, land it square, and get your knee behind it or you’ll never last the day, never mind the blisters rubbing hot under blue-gray jeans. Get to the next bale, the truck grinding slow while grasshoppers launch and fly like clothespins in the yellow heat, wings clattering to a sudden halt. The silent butterflies only search for home and shade. Across the field the edges of the yellow tan bales shimmer and wiggle, trying to mirage again and hide the fence. Another bale, another, muscles bunching, eyes sweat stung, flecks of hay that cling where they land, arm hair rising with them. Behind the bales, cows. Behind the cows, winter, money, expectations. Cow voices mingle with the sound of the engine, chuff of bales on bales, bird sounds, hunting bugs in the stubble. At the end a thermal, welcome as it spatters bits of straw waist high, my shirt gone cool for long seconds while the truck turns, to lumber across the field again. [This message has been edited by Ratleader (02-25-2003 07:59 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Ed, this is fantastic! Full of such vivid images... You took the reader right there... This would be a perfect book submission! ~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~ ~ Trace my body with your words.. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
( smiling) something in common I see... been there... done that..and you describe it very well.. I was again back in hot summer sun..browned by dust and tan... not counting, not thinking, or the field grew too large, too long...and the job itself...to much... reminded me of one I did... Got to beat the rain They say is coming… Dust … Beaten into the air by the tires of wagons stacked with square Bailed hay Coming in from fields, hung in layers That went from white To yellow as it rose. 200 bales in and 1500 to go. Two men down, three up. Send up the hay… it’s going to Be hotter later…. Climbing into the barn loft The sweet heavy smell of Grass mixed with dust And heat overwhelms. Sweat running bend pick and toss Always one waiting Always one behind Steady… Build a rhythm and use Your legs… Last one!! Grab air in greedy gulps And feel the chill of 90 degrees As the sweat begins to dry. 200 in and 1500 to go should be finished by midnight if you don’t slow down. Got to beat the rain they say Is coming… |
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Minister Joe Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 78TX, USA |
Ed, This poem--brought me right back to my grandfather's farm, and baling hay... on a hot summer's day. The following lines were particularly vivid: Walk to the next bale, the truck grinding slow while grasshoppers launch and fly like clothespins in the yellow heat, wings clattering to a sudden halt. The silent butterflies only search for home and shade. The grasshopper--launching like clothespins--just absolutely A-1 imagery. You also captured the essence of the still-heat of a workday like that--with the butterflies, "silent" in their search for home and shade. Your relation with the environment and the narrator--was well done. You mentioned the blisters sweating underneath the jeans--and the strain of picking up and throwing the bales--you could go into just a bit more depth regarding the person in your piece... nothing big at all--but a moment if you will--of getting closer them, perhaps through so small action -- wiping a forehead, or taking a drink of water. The small pieces of hay--floating up in the air--and then sticking to the skin, excellent image as well. I'm not that familiar with your style--but you could consider breaking this up into strophes... however, I do like how this piece flows as it stands now in it's form. This one really took me back--right there to that moment in the pasture. Really, well done Ed. This is the kind of poetry we're really missing at my other writing site--man/nature in work--simple, and yet telling it's own story. Most of the poetry there now is very minimalist, and I really miss work of this quality/nature. If you ever want to stop by-- it's Enter The Muse. This would be perfect for Poetry Behind Glass, more of a showcasing forum really. Not to grab you off here or anything--it's just--wow, what a great gem of a poem to find in the middle of day. I am so glad I finally joined up here. --Matt Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed...Wow! I can't say enough about the imagery in this..so original, and the way you described what you were doing put me right there with the sounds and smells..Really, really well done, my friend! Cudos! and  |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Hey, Minister -- this is exactly the kind of read I hope for! I keep a file called "good critiques," stuff I want to refer back to in the future, and yours is definitely going into it. Before writing this reply, I split my screen and sent the new half to your site....we be checking it out, for sure. I'm finding that the more I write, the more writing I can do. I'm writing more now than I ever have, and after a few days of "stuck-in-right-brain" disorientation when I hesitated to drive, I'm doing better than ever before. I wrote this one in response to a challenge from Martie, to put more physical sensation into my poetry, rather than just visual and kinetic imagery. I wrote half of it in strophes, and then decided to stick 'em together. Maybe a poor decision -- I'll go back and look at that, and all your other comments. Thanks again. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Ericc Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178 |
This is a great read! Eric |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I am a born and raised Hoosier, so I grew up getting shots for hay fever!!! This was a great piece, so perfectly written. You stood up to the challenge splendidly! Susan |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Well, Ed, you know I don't know all the ways to critique, but, I do know that I could see the entire scene as I was reading and it seemed as though I was smelling the scent of fresh hay before I was finished. In other words, I loved your poem....LOL...  "Love makes the world go around" |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Heh-heh -- maybe if I work a little harder I could have you smelling the guy who was doing the stacking, too....also rather "distinct" if I remember correctly........ Glad you liked it. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Minister Joe Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 78TX, USA |
Ed, I'm glad you liked it--I saw that you were open to critique--and well, when I read a work that gets me to a place... like that pasture--I tend to ramble a bit, but--I love writing, I love how poetry communciates--and when it works, it really works. Today--I was talking with another writer--about the "perfect moment/image"--and I said that there really wasn't because everybody can interpret things differently. However, I still can see that image--grasshoppers jumping out of the grasses like clothes-pins, and I was picturin the ones held together with a metal spring, and someone was just holding it open--then letting it pop out of their hand, and how that looks... and wow--exactly like those great big yellow/black grasshoppers jumping--and well, that's just about as perfect as it gets. I think that for flow--and the way you were writing it... that it felt better to not be seperated in strophes... but that's something you can play with. Just the god-given ability to take a memory, and make it real for readers (as is evidenced by all your reactions here)--is a gift. Haha--oh yes, I think that's great about the sweat, very funny. Really wonderful to read this today, and I anxious to read your other work. (does the happyhappyjoyjoy dance for joining here) Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Hi again, Joe -- You'll probably see that one thing I try for is variety. I like to find subjects that are different from anything I've done before, and just play around with different ways of talking about them. The style of this poem is what's most natural for me, but I'll try anything I can think of, even if it means I have to think up rhymes for "lapis lazuli".... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Minister Joe Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 78TX, USA |
That's a wonderful way to do it. Play--tinker... do what you haven't done before--that will not only sharpen your skills, but make you a more flexible writer--as well as prolific. Okay, I give--so what does rhyme with lapis lazuli? ;o) Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Heh-heh--- thought you'd never ask..... /pip/Forum76/HTML/002872.html ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Minister Joe Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 78TX, USA |
You did! Wow, and here I thought that you were going to have to ponder on it. But that was well done. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Yep, I'm a Happy Mutant, gots to play allatime, although of course being very, very serious is also play..... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
well... can't say what's already been said, but I really enjoyed this! |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Ah Geez, those wonderful horrible late summer days. Makin' hay, chuckin' hay, breathing hay. Hey Dumbass, put yer shirt back on! This has kind of a "Steinbeck" thing, goin' on. Nice, Ed Ed. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
LOL at Ed's reply. Glad you put this link on kayjay's thread, I had missed this gem.  enjoyed |
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kayjay Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015Oregon |
Thank you so much for this link, I'd not seen it. I toyed with free verse for the heat and scratchiness and the cursing woman who outworked the men, but ended up with the sonnet. You've well captured haying, the toil and the farmer's life. Well done!! Ken Through rubble and trouble and dark of night |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'm so glad this was bumped back up for everyone's pleasure... |
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