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The Galleria
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The Galleria |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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One of my many tries to get this concept right...I could really use suggestions on this one, so feel free to fire away.  The Galleria With sweeping strokes of thumbs composed I bind this glass to one-it-self; and bonding's skin I'll never miss I press my lips against the face, pray-kiss, fare-well these days that leapt from night to night and death to still For love I lived and love I'll keep within those walls; but nothing stops this silken spring when down it goes. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Yikes... your poetry kicks my ass, Carly. quote: Intros are so hard to do for a lot of us ya know. Stop trying to make it look so easy.  Perfect opening, sets the scene exactly as it should be, and I can already see the cold nostalgia in the narrator's eyes by the time the last line hits with confirmation. Love the line "I bind this glass," the word "bind" has so many connotational values, as if the narrator is afraid something might escape from the glass... also suggests that it is the narrator's choice to bind it away.quote: Again, the leaving aspect, the fact that the narrator is abandoning something she once held dear, and reminiscing over those "days that leapt from night to night." "Death to still," I really like... tragedy to rest... "death" which comes first, is painful and negative, but "still" which comes next, is peaceful, and fully neutral. I think the narrator is trying to express a movement from sorrow into indifference... not in herself, but in the days themselves. The sorrowful days are gone and now, regardless of how she feels, there is only the "still." quote: Here we have a conflict between control and lack of control. I'm really taken by the closing lines, they're inconclusive and bitter. First you say "love I lived and love I'll keep within those walls," suggesting again that it's your decision and you are what "binds" the love within "those walls," but then you contradict yourself, saying "nothing stops this silken spring when down it goes." I see this as a poem about conflict... control, but in a way, forced control. As though the narrator is making the only choice she has, but nonetheless, is making the choice of her own will. Oh, and for old time's sake, I'll congratulate your meter... perfect choice, such an awkward and abrupt flow, set the tone just as it needed to be. Awesome, though-provoking work, Carly Anne. Parasite "Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Ahem.. well, my reply won't be THAT lengthy, I'll just say that I really enjoyed this piece. To me, it reflects a conflict to create something... I might be totally off, I usually am, so overlook me. But.. I don't really have any suggestions, except maybe make it a little longer? Add a little more detail? Thats just me though Thankee for a great piece Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Interesting. I seem to be having many problems reading poetry tonight. Glass is a major image in many of your poetry, it appears. Here your poem seems to figure the speaker molding it like pottery. Is that correct? The speaker is molding it into a face? Anyhow, the words in this poem are quite haunting... "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Reading over your older work, Car... makes me droool ya know...  Gotta love the best of Carly Anne. I want to file this in my library under "tres cool." Bri Faith is a fine invention |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
click |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
Well, I ain't gonna lie...it was very interesting, and as I read it over I realize that I am no match for The Haven...I guess I'll just stick in Open...hehe Brian said it all for the ones that don't know how! It was very much enjoyed! |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wonderful writing, I really enjoyed the read Andy |
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