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On cuts and bruises
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On cuts and bruises |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981
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Swift as you are, you've never managed to go skin deep- I'd rather be cut than bruised, rather bleed for you, and every other pathetic fool. Instead you bruise me, let the pain be covered by skin and bones but I've been broken, black and blue... longing for the confermation that I am awake Are you listening? I'm still bleeding |
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| © Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
This is a neat concept. And I say this to a lot of people, but I wish I'd gotten to this subject matter first, because it's really a clever idea for a poem... the difference between a bruise and a cut, the hidden barely-visible minor pain as opposed to the noticable, bleeding, more serious pain of an open wound. The bruises add up, it seems, and wreck more than the spilling of blood would. Not bad at all, Wind... I can see what Raph is talking about when he says you have potential.  Parasite Faith is a fine invention |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Swift as you are, you've never managed to go skin deep- I'd rather be cut than bruised, rather bleed for you, and every other pathetic fool. Instead you bruise me, let the pain be covered by skin and bones but I've been broken, black and blue... =========================== Oh Wind-girlie...you went deep!!! wow... love this write...very cool analogy and metaphor. Well done poetess!! "How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you." |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
oh..my...this may be my favourite ever of yours. post it in open! it needs to be seen. am so in awe of these words. Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"Swift as you are, you've never managed to go skin deep- I'd rather be cut than bruised, rather bleed for you, and every other pathetic fool. Instead you bruise me, let the pain be covered by skin and bones" I might just have to agree with gem, this is a remarkable write Liz. Very impressed here!!  |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
"Swift as you are, you've never managed to go skin deep- Instead you bruise me, let the pain be covered by skin and bones" Beautiful, just beautiful. I'm not much on critiques, because I'm not that good myself (atleast not yet) I only offer my appreciation for such a wonderful write! |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Thanks everyone Brian- potentail ehh...Raph? is there something going on that I'm missing? This isn't the first person to tell me this... Ok Brian and don't think I missed you calling me a brat...I see all, ya hear me??? JM- you're so nice lady...thanks as always for replying gemma- thats lovely gem..just lovely. Dunc- thanks ya old turnup  I apreciate replys..even from pourch puppiestimothysangel1973- thank you..feel free to critique, you are good enough.. And Gem, open can wait, I get more sincere replys in here...less sugar and more salt, thats how I like it  pluss- no cross posting( wouldn't want to be any more trouble than i already am) [This message has been edited by Wind (07-24-2003 11:25 AM).] |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Wind- This is so awesome....I loved the whole concept here, and it fits right in with the song i am listening to ( saliva-rest in pieces ) this is so true liz.......such a very nice write. thank you for sharing......off to sit in a corner and nibble on a carrot riley *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
lol..I like saliva...the band..not the stuff that dogs drool  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Nice work Elizebeth.... |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
I'm warning you... |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
warning me what Liza? or is that Lizzy... or Elizabite??[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (07-24-2003 12:28 PM).] |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
i like dem 2 liz!!! lala, riley *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
grr...jus call me a brat if it makes you feel better.. call me cupcake..i don't care, just not Elizabeth (on second thought, don't ever call me cupcake  )lol ri..I have to say that they are strange, but then again so is just about everything i listen to [This message has been edited by Wind (07-24-2003 12:38 PM).] |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
ELizabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeettttth!  you still love me, i know you do. Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
how could I not? |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
cupcake??? hmmm.... maybe I'll just call you beth... or Eliza or Liza or maybe.... I'll call you Duncan's double.... lol |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
eww..Beth. sorry if anyone here has that name..but I can't stand it..You can call me Liz or Eli. hey..back on topic, this is a poem, not an excuse to make fun of me |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
who needs an excuse? I commented on the poem..lol.. you're the one who got their hair in a bunch..just because I used your given name.... |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
how doya know thats my giveen name? my given name might be Liz... |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Liz: this is truly amazing writing . . . God, I do feel like this xxoo |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
LOL @ this thread... Now...ON topic!...This truly IS an amazing poem, Liz. You did an incredible job with this; and, as JM said, you dug deep. I am truly impressed. Hugs, ~Vicky "My friends are my estate." |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Gritty and oh so well written, keep up the great work Andy |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
First of all Liz Beth is a beautiful name so just shut it..bu t i know you prefer Liz so I'll call youliz..Second yes when Bri and I first started talking we discussed great writers on the site and I mentioned your writing and that you have the potential to really do something with it..course this is before i realized what a brat you are..phbllllllt  |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
hahaha...if it weren't you..I might have been ofended by that wait a sec? I have potential. What is that supposed to mean? Whats wrong with me now? If ya want to see how much I've improved- go see all my sugery poems in open 23  phbllllllt[This message has been edited by Wind (07-25-2003 09:30 PM).] |
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