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Open Poetry #18
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I Am Not William ( AWC Poetry Challenge)
| Open Poetry #18 |
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I Am Not William ( AWC Poetry Challenge) |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven 
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I Am Not William I can only trace my family back to William, a man born in 1806, my grandfather’s grandfather, who at 28 became a minister and at 35 the superintendent of public schools. He was pastor to many churches over the years, I think because of indiscretions with female members of the congregations. He founded a church which 100 years later had one of his grandsons as pastor. Many of his heirs followed him into the clergy while many more took the opposite path, filling both prisons and cemeteries. I have seen a picture of the grandfather I never knew. He died in 1948 in his 61st year. My grandmother thought he was 51. He deceived her for 26 years. It is a yellowed black and white and in it his eyes look clear. I heard his eyes were a shade of blue that could read a woman’s soul and take away the pride of men. It is told more than one last saw them peering over the sights of a pistol. If so, I could never find a record of it. My eyes are brown and nondescript, otherwise you would know his son was my father, whose eyes held you with that same fear inspiring blue. I am both of them and neither. My younger years saw me living in the blue eyed ways, and I sometimes wondered if I was running from the church, when really I was only fleeing from myself. I wasn’t blue eyed, but I had to act as if I was. I sought to hold many maidenly hands, while my heart wished for the hands of just one. It happened only twice, and I lost both times. I have cried brown-eyed tears from the feel of fire-hot children against my face, and wished for daddy’s blue ones to look upon those that caused their fate. I am a failure - I am a victor, and sometimes, I am a mere spectator when God decides which breath is to be the last one drawn. Just as William was both preacher and adulterer if we aren’t careful we can become a bit of what we do. Though life is filled with loss, I am not a loser – I would rather revel in the little victories. My loves may no longer be with me, but I am still a lover. I may have to work within a philosophy of first in, last out - my life for yours, that doesn’t mean I am fearless, only that sometimes my education allows me to overcome them, perhaps making me a little less of a coward. I am not a hero. If I were heroic I would chase butterflies instead of fighting fires, I would add my own name to the list of those I have helped to live, and I would be living more and dreaming less. Maybe I would be happy to have my own kind eyes, instead of wishing for those my mother cheated me out of. I am not William, who was the patriarch, I am not Raleigh, who I never met, I am not Ray, who I both loved and feared, I am simply me, who has brown eyes, And, I am tired. For A Whispers Caress Challenge [This message has been edited by Jamie (01-04-2002 10:26 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
amen to those last three words.... I am tired also ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My perception of truth will somehow never quite be the same..and so I write. |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
"Though life is filled with loss, I am not a loser – I would rather revel in the little victories. My loves may no longer be with me, but I am still a lover. I am not a hero. You don’t see many heroes sleeping alone. If I were heroic I would chase butterflies instead of fighting fires I would try to resuscitate my own life as well as that of others. Maybe I would be living more and dreaming less. I am simply me. And, I am tired." Jamie...your words just brought tears to my eyes...i disagree with you...any man that can say these words...IS A HERO...your poem is very touching...helen |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Although you don't think so, I do think you are a hero. The REAL LIFE kind. For who you are, what you do and what you wish you could do...and for having such a caring heart.  |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Oh gosh Jamie, this was so sensitive, awesome write. floria |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
I enjoyed this Jamie..i like the part about running from yourself..not fear itself..makes one think..  ~Victoria~ "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Jamie...this is beautiful, and I disagree...I believe you are a HERO...the kind we more more of! Great writing here my friend, Nancy. ~* A dream is a wish your heart makes... *~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
My eyes are brown and nondescript, otherwise you would know his son was my father, whose eyes held you with that same fear inspiring blue. I am both of them and neither. My younger years saw me living in the blue eyed ways, and I sometimes wondered if I was running from the church, when really I was only fleeing from myself. I wasn’t blue eyed, but I had to act as if I was. I sought to hold many maidenly hands, while my heart wished for the hands of just one. It happened only twice, and I lost both times. I have cried brown-eyed tears from the feel of fire-hot children against my face, and wished for daddy’s blue ones to look upon those that caused their fate. I am a failure - I am a victor, and sometimes, I am a mere spectator when God decides which breathe is to be the last one drawn. =================================== Though life is filled with loss, I am not a loser – I would rather revel in the little victories. My loves may no longer be with me, but I am still a lover. I may have to work within a philosophy of first in, last out - my life for yours, that doesn’t mean I am fearless, only that sometimes my education allows me to overcome them, perhaps making me a little less of a coward. I am not a hero. If I were heroic I would chase butterflies instead of fighting fires, I would my own name to the list of those I have helped to live, and I would be living more and dreaming less. Maybe I would be happy to have my own kind eyes, instead of wishing for those my mother cheated me out of. I am not William, who was the patriarch, I am not Raleigh, who I never met, I am not Ray, who I both loved and feared, I am simply me, who has brown eyes, And, I am tired. ========================================= and...you are a poet...an excpetional one at that.... this writes most impressive point is its depth of honesty and the sincerety of it's expression. I was touched by your self exploration and your discoveries. This is excellent free verse writing Jamie ... the use of past generations and the analogies to your grandfather was a clever and intriquing way to take this. thank you for sharing you with us ...   |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Thanks all-- I don't do many of these challenges, but this one had a theme I had been thinking about of late anyway-- about what makes us what we are-- as in our lineage-upbringing-education -careers etc..) and how we can overcome the bad parts and make use of the good--and sometimes how it all can just leave us exhausted. thanks again.  JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
ahhhh Jamie, a challenge well met and so wonderfully written. I am not a hero. If I were heroic I would chase butterflies instead of fighting fires, You are a Hero Jamie and we need more Hero's like you. I really enjoyed reading YOU m'dear, thanks for sharing this touching piece Mmy [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (01-05-2002 06:19 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Jamie, what an insightful read. For several decades I did not know my father's ancestry, for several reasons unknown to me...a couple of years ago, I was able to go back through to years to 1440.... but this is very, very good...enjoyed the read...thank you! |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Jamie ~ I really enjoyed this free verse on your self discovery. It is apparent you truly know who you are and what you are capable of. By choice of trade you may be an unwilling hero, but nonetheless, to us that hold you awe, you are. The most important discovery within this piece is knowing what you are not! What a great piece of writing. ~*~ Carpe' Diem ~*~ |
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A Whisper's Caress Senior Member
since 2000-11-03
Posts 791on the horizon of a fairytale |
wow, Jamie, thank you so much for the wonderful response. I lOVED the references to eye color, very different and very inspiring. |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
What a wonderful, wonderful write from you. My - How it reads. I was caught. Enjoyed. *Peace. |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
Wow... Your story is really interesting!! Thanks for sharing, it is a good read!!_,,,^.^,,,_ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Jamie--I am very touched by the honesty and tender heart that wrote these words. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Jamie, Honest, loving, passionate, caring and tired...all these things make up a hero and you are a hero in my eyes. Such a life filled write. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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