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Tangerines
Junior Member

since 2001-05-07

Posts 22
Richmond, Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-07 04:49 PM

This is different from most of the things I've read on this forum, but here goes. Happy, Ben? You convinced me.

i howl in my nursery, unaware.
with my deck of cards and my easy grin,
i'm ready to take you on in eyeliner and heels.
how much like a dream i'm becoming:
you're wondering, watching me, and i know.
every day. i draw hemorrhaging goldfish
in black pencils and pastels. oil paints.
validations like silk and wrinkled linen,
sometimes stained with blood from uneasy nights,
draping over my eyes and yours.
and my roots, untorn, un-uprooted.
you know? that apple's been bitten.
that fruit's off the vine.
mutilation in Technicolor is the only worthwhile kind.

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

1 posted 2001-05-07 05:15 PM

Welcome to Passions!!

well i'm glad you decided to join us here, i know how talented a writer you are and i look forward to reading lots more of your work. this is a wonderful first post, the imagery especially drew me in. great job on this, i hope you keep posting and replying.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

2 posted 2001-05-07 05:16 PM

Welcome To Passions!!
You will love it here!!

Great First Post..

$ Jeff $ : )

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

3 posted 2001-05-07 06:58 PM

Hey this is GREAT! I love this line:
i'm ready to take you on in eyeliner and heels.
Good job

Bel

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-05-07 10:53 PM

I really like the title, as it pertains to the poem. Kinda tough to understand but I see how it tied in...
The feel and tone of the poem were very well set, I believe. You did a great job of setting a wonderful mood.

Welcome to Passions in Poetry. We have a lot of Bens in here, care to clarify exactly who you are referring to please?

Hope to see you around here more often.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

5 posted 2001-05-07 11:29 PM

What a totally kick ass first post! Not alot of newbies actually make it into my library but you have done it.

These lines stuck out big time:
"every day. i draw hemorrhaging goldfish
in black pencils and pastels. oil paints.
validations like silk and wrinkled linen,
sometimes stained with blood from uneasy nights"

As the welcomes have already been said, I'll just say I hope to see alot more of these pieces very soon.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

6 posted 2001-05-08 10:54 AM

Welcome!

Great first post....I hope to see you posting more and replying

Please check your email for a special greeting!

SEA

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

7 posted 2001-05-08 11:52 AM

gawwwsh!!!!!!
a newbies alreadAys makin me feel 'stupis'!
*cries* lol this poem was sooo over me head but it could be cuz tis earlays

*feels not as 'stupis' nows* yay mes!
lols newayz i loved the eyeliner and heels line toos!
woo hoo!!!!!!!!

welcome to passions

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

U in the dark u in the pain u on the run
Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

8 posted 2001-05-08 11:55 AM

This was very different from anything I have ever read, but I think thats why I like it so much. You've got some awesome words put together that give me the chills because its so abstract. Kind of reminds me of a Picasso painting put into words. This is a super first post, and you are going into my library. Please post more.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Tangerines
Junior Member

since 2001-05-07

Posts 22
Richmond, Virginia

9 posted 2001-05-08 02:51 PM

Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone. I appreciate your comments.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2001-05-10 11:11 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

What a wonderful first post
Hope you enjoy reading as well as sharing here in PIP
can't wait to read your next post

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

11 posted 2001-05-15 03:25 PM

Wowish....welcome to passions....
How dare you come in here and impress me with your first post! That's a sin!

Very well done!
I loved the poem and hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

12 posted 2001-05-15 04:03 PM

Great first post... and wow u impressed Dopey... major achievement... anyway very impressed... good poem

Mr mr Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

13 posted 2001-05-15 05:23 PM

hey kinda late but welcome to passions

...i liked this read...thanks for sharing it with us...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

14 posted 2001-05-15 09:11 PM

This is spectacular. Don't ever hesitate to post anything like this...and thanks to whomever bumped it back up, because i missed it the first time around.

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

15 posted 2002-10-05 01:48 PM

This is absolutely spectacular.  You have a real talent and it's a shame that I would never expect to see you around anymore.

The title really spun me out, which is what really drew me to this piece.  Aside from that, your abstract descriptions...

"How much like a dream I'm becoming."  That's the killer line, in my opinion... I like the implications of this...

Overall, it's a treat to see someone with such an unsual style.  I wonder if you'll ever read this.

Probably not.  Oh well, I've said my piece.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

16 posted 2003-01-14 12:00 PM

Awesome.

I've the mind to spam this thread just so you could start posting more poetry again...
Awesome..

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

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