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black evening
| Open Poetry #6 |
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black evening |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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Bauhaus playing on the box. Candles casting light and shadow. Dark outside shapes move by the window. It's a black evening. Moon just a fingernail paring. Dusk too fragile and dim for sharing. Would you like the feel of something daring? Taste the black evening. Invisible arms hold me up. Invisible hands push me down. Invisible wishes burn in flame, Dyed a black evening. Clock shows hours that don't exist. Coded fears I didn't have on the list. There's still someone who needs to be kissed, 'Cause it's a black evening. Voice calls outside in the night. Candle flame casts a coldless light. "Come and rectify what went wrong and right." Don't listen to the black evening. Phone rings triplets out of tune. Still can't see much of the moon, Under the dark trees that swoon With the black evening. Clouds are weaving A day unbelieving Into a moon that's wreathing A black evening. Day is over. It's time for cover. Pull close your lover. Say you love her. And don't be lured away, For it's a black evening. Roses in piles As inert as graves. Whatever bloomed is forever doomed To the cusp of the lips of your youth of your tomb. Hide from black evening. The night is here. Be quiet, dear. The door looks so small and hunched over. Easy to break in and snatch away my lover. The night is here. Be quiet, dear. Shhhh. Hide yourself deep in yourself. For it's a black evening. Dress in light colors, say your prayers. Don't go near the stacked shadow stairs. Hurry, emote your motionless tears. It's a black evening. (c) 2000 Mike Chmielecki |
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| © Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
~mike... another great poem! u go boy!! this one was really good i thought too. full of mystery, suspense, power, all that...very nice amy  ~Live today as though it were your last but prepare for tomorrow as though it were here~ |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Only you could make the black evening sound romantic!!! This was yet another wonder!! Pull close your lover...say you love her... This was my favorite line, really drew me into the depths of the poem!!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Amy, Thanks. I like how you end with "...all that." True to form, this poem came out while I was listening to Bauhaus. "Whoever that is," you're probably saying. A really cool post punk group that's often grouped under goth.Devina, Glad you enjoyed. And I liked that line, too. I'm trying to get more into the humanity behind the insanity these days. Mike |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
A new classic from "b"---this so appeals to my moodiness. Can I play favorite lines too? "the cusp of the lips of your youth of your tomb..." I have missed you, my friend... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Hi, 's'. Thanks for reading. Yes, I'm been absent of late. Here's me trying to find my way back. half Mike |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Write me, you weenie! (Did I ever once mention, tho, that my computer was as slow as...Eeeewwww!) Well. At least I have an excuse... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mike~ This is a stunning piece of work. 'Moon just a fingernail paring' Wonderful, wonderful image. Can't get more perfect than that. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Good poem, Mike. I enjoyed the imagery. At first I thought I was reading the lyrics of a song, the poem flowed so well. Changing to a more liberal format took something away, for me. You might consider a second version written as a song throughout. Just a suggestion. INclan |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, Marge. I try to choose my words carefully when writing, and took a few tries to get that particular phrase. Glad it was worth it. INclan, I believe a lot of poems, with their inherent, subtle rhythm and sometimes rhymes would make good songs. In fact, I was sorta humming a tune to myself while writing this poem. Thanks for the suggestion, but I like it the way it is. Mike |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
This is one of those times when I just have to say, "Wow." {shaking my head} I've been listening to Peter Murphy's "Cascade" for the past two hours, then to read this...okay, another "Wow..." |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Peter Murphy's awesome, but I still think he was best while in Bauhaus. He had the theatrics, the atmosphere, and especially the humor down pat. Nice to know there's another fan out there. And even better to know it's you! Mike |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Mike I am in love with your poem Liz |
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