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Open Poetry #40
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A Somewhat Grim Challenge
| Open Poetry #40 |
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A Somewhat Grim Challenge |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Echoing death rattle keens as seepage froths Regurgitating forth a vomit river She’s a slave to an ancient master Bent in submission, eyes worn Sopping up the life fluids copiously spewing Yet, still she begs for use Entreating false prayers for further purification Pleading for redemption before collection is required Alison [This message has been edited by aziza (05-03-2007 02:24 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Pretty grim indeed these words although well put together...I am curious though, you say for a challenge, but what was the challenge? Dinah |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
gosh, this really was grim, for sure I like it though |
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Robert Jordan Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392Philadelphia Pa USA |
Aziza, This can be construed as something pretty grisly. I like that, nice to see it here. Bobby |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Alison this was outstanding and I am eternally greatful for your write, as well as inspired by it. Thank you |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Thank you all - Dinah, the challenge is on the Challenge Board (under Discussions) and was made by Ed Grim. Again, my thanks to you all. A |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Okay, I can't stand it. Obscurity is like a secret to me -- and this morning I can't keep my secret. Dinah, this was the jist of the challenge made by Ed, "So there's the challenge. Write outside of your comfort zone. Write something uncomfortable for the reader and "cryptic" (but make sure it means something). Use word blends that you normally wouldn't." The Grim Challenge is a pun. The obvious word play on the word "grim" - but also all I wrote of is a grim challenge. It's about my washing machine and begging it to remain alive (a grim task) and the poem refers to my struggle to write this (another grim task, at the time). The ancient master is my washing machine. The death rattle is due to the fact it is on its last legs (do washing machines have legs?). The vomit river is the water that seeps and pours out from it when I wash clothes. Begging for use is asking it to do just one more load - and the reference to collection is about paying out money for a new one. The challenge was a challenge - and had me laughing a bit while I wrote it. Thanks again to all those who commented. Each of you bouy me up in my attempts to write. Alison |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
Alison! This is great! I love love love it. I felt my skin crawling at one point. Wonderful write! I knew you had a funky side in you. This really is great. Thanks for giving my challenge a try! Cheers - Ed Head Cheese & Chicken Feet |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
Amazing! |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
You certainly met Ed Grim's challenge very well! It would have been mysterious had you not explained it, but even in the mystery it was perfectly and colorfully expressed. Deserves another round. Love, Margherita  |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Thank you, lovely ones -- and I agree about not explaining and normally I wouldn't. But, as it was a challenge and as I have a hard time keeping secrets that are not really secrets -- I couldn't stop myself. (laughs) I am one of those people who can not buy presents early as I will give them immediately and then have to go out and buy more. My family and friends love that about me. I am the one who says, "Guess What?" and waits impatiently through one guess before bubbling my secret out. I can't help it. I think it's a compulsion!!! Alison |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
Oh and Mr. Edward Grim .. I am not sure how you will feel being grouped under "Lovely Ones" .. How about Mr. Grim Reaper of Poetic Mystery or something. I am still finishing my first cup of coffee so I am not feeling all that creative at the moment. It's my best shot. Thank you for the challenge and for your comments. Alison |
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