where are the clouds of white

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Open Poetry #39

where are the clouds of white

william foos
Member

since 2006-09-13

Posts 77
schenectady,new york,usa

0 posted 2006-09-26 08:21 PM

where are the clouds
that after
the great mushroom
disappeared like life forms
once known to me
photos of the living
now only seem
to be on cement walls
bent and contorted
what was their last thought
we may never know
from the mighty
that forms their own justice
and laws
we should all sit back
and observe...

i see what i write and write what i see

themute
Member

since 2006-05-08

Posts 469
Maryland

1 posted 2006-09-26 08:29 PM

you should -unless you intended to be staccatoed- consider writing the lines in a flow so that you arn't pushing off into another direction with each lines wording.

I am the two-toed wanderer

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

2 posted 2006-09-26 08:32 PM

Very refreshing! I already can't wait to see what else you come up with!!! (Thanks for my very first comment by the way!)

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

3 posted 2006-09-26 08:45 PM

A poem for August 6, perhaps.....or December 7, as I might add for sophistry's sake?

Or perhaps such oldness that only the earth itself remembers -- it works perfectly either way -- nicely done!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

4 posted 2006-09-26 10:20 PM

powerful words
william...
good write

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