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Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2006-09-18 02:37 AM

From the dark behind my eyes
There is a face that I would see
There are words deep in my throat
I would grant God speak for me
There is love beneath my heart
That would dance if it were free
There is something more than life itself
That always needs to be

In the breath that leaves my chest
You would hear the words that rise
From below the painful depths
To my lips in whispered sighs
In the moments that a moon
Strolls the loveliest of skies
On the fringes of your heart
I would rest these tearful eyes

If you were here alone with me
Then you would feel
And you would see
There is something more than life itself
That always needs to be

Elizabeth Santos

MukkaKukka
Member

since 2006-09-18

Posts 88
Finland

1 posted 2006-09-18 07:02 AM

For the most part part this is just full of cliches and the rhyming there

It can work but then it needs certain..

Many people think that rhyming can bind a text but it needs more, anyway there is one part that I like:

"There is love beneath my heart
That would dance if it were free"

"Beneath" is the word that here makes an impact and then the fact that the love that is not in the heart but beneath and it would dance if it just was free.

But then there is the pervasiveness of love that eliminates flesh and therefore it kind of tramples...

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

2 posted 2006-09-18 08:18 AM

this is the most precious side of you, coming into lighted music...especially loved the following....

If you were here alone with me
Then you would feel
And you would see
There is something more than life itself
That always needs to be

it is always a treasure when you post...love the blend of images and the rhyme flowed so beautifully...

Luv
Lee J.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2006-09-18 09:00 AM

Elizabeth,
You are always music to my ears.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2006-09-18 09:06 AM

Liz, I just wanna give you a big, warm, loving hug. You are so special ~ both as a poet and as a woman.

Loveya!
Linda

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

5 posted 2006-09-18 12:14 PM

Liz

I have seen behind your eyes
and found a precious beauty rare
but I can't sing or write as lyrical
as you do in this poem, so there!

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

6 posted 2006-09-18 12:46 PM

It's a beautiful flowing picture of love.
I especially like your reach of....behind my eyes and below my heart.

Rae

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

7 posted 2006-09-22 12:41 PM

This is lovely, Elizabeth!! *S*

If you were here alone with me
Then you would feel
And you would see
There is something more than life itself
That always needs to be

You give us that feeling/seeing/knowing through your words... even those of us who've not been privileged to sit with you and see your face. *S*

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

8 posted 2006-09-22 01:15 PM

I remain impressed with your ability to capture my heart with your words.

Sandra

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

9 posted 2006-09-22 02:27 PM

So many things can be buried within.

sky

I hope someday you get the chance to live like you were dying....
~Tim McGraw

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

10 posted 2006-09-22 07:11 PM

just beautiful

I've always loved your work!

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