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Open Poetry #39
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trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA

0 posted 2006-12-02 08:35 PM



Death shall come... and please my saddened heart,
For loneliness is the hell I no longer wish to face.

Should I suffer life, eternal and the agony it imparts,
Or welcome death - and upon my family bring disgrace?

Death shall end my suffering, the pain I feel within,
Bring calm to the fight that warps my weary mind.

Be I gone to God or Hades and I will pay for all my sins,
For no comfort will I seek... and no comfort shall I find.

Death shall lone my spirit... release the pain I hold,
And I'll face my God and the suffering He shall mete.

If God should turn his back and his love is deathly cold,
Life could still have meaning... if I'd felt your love - my sweet.

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



© Copyright 2006 Bill Franklin - All Rights Reserved
Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
1 posted 2006-12-02 09:06 PM


life goes on even if love is not in it...

this was well written ... sad but well written

Welcome to Passions!

Be well
Roniece

trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
2 posted 2006-12-02 09:30 PM


Thank you. Life still goes on after lost love your right. I appreciate your comment.

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2006-12-02 09:39 PM


nice entrance!

welcome to Passions!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2006-12-02 11:19 PM



Highly reminiscent of Donne, well done!
I saw nothing on the first read to "sugar"
the Welcome that I impart to you, so please,
See your Email for a Very Special Greeting!


trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
5 posted 2006-12-02 11:27 PM


That You for the gretting card. My printer is blazing away. That was very nice!

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
6 posted 2006-12-02 11:41 PM




ahhhh...
well done Bill

those last two lines
are stupendous!

welcome!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2006-12-02 11:43 PM


Quite welcome, I'm sure.  It is a wonderful
feature, and I hope you might use it in your
time at PiP.


trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
8 posted 2006-12-02 11:44 PM


Thank you for the warm welcome
Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
9 posted 2006-12-03 02:09 AM


Yes, it is a sad write but perhaps life has more meaning than we can imagine if we feel love in our own hearts!
Welcome to PIP!

trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
10 posted 2006-12-03 02:11 AM


Thank you for your feedback honey!!
themute
Member
since 2006-05-08
Posts 469
Maryland
11 posted 2006-12-03 03:31 AM


This is fair, but one thing that got to me was your juxtaposition of hades and god, unintentional or no, because if no it's something you should consider.

I am the two-toed wanderer

trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
12 posted 2006-12-03 03:43 AM


Yes I did this on purpose in my opinion a juxtaposition happens when two images that are otherwise not commonly brought together appear side by side. I believe God And Hades are not  uncommon. There is a conjunction between god and hades. The poem wouldnt have worked anyother way or so I think

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
13 posted 2006-12-03 08:16 AM


trutodaraiders,
Each life is a trip to death. Welcome aboard.

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

14 posted 2006-12-03 09:31 AM


Life encompasses our entire being through knowing love...even though a love is lost, yours is not, and it sure is awfully nice, to know, that we loved and were able to love as God wishes us to, so nothing is lost, and our lives will forever be complemented by that love, if we understand and allow it.  Hugs to you for a heartfelt write.

Welcome to Passion

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
15 posted 2006-12-03 10:06 AM


Extremely melodramatic and that's what makes it work so well. Lost love or unreturned passion certainly creates a sadness within us unmatched by other emotions but it takes a poet, and a good one, to portray it in such a panoramic way without making it sound maudlin or trite. You have done that admirably.

Hats off and welcome

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

16 posted 2006-12-03 10:46 AM


Wonderful entrance post. Welcome to pip.
No sugar coating, this piece is very well done Bill.  Much enjoyed, and will be looking forward to more.

trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
17 posted 2006-12-03 11:04 AM


Thank you Lee J, Balladeer, Gentle Spirit I look forward to your Constructive Critiques, I believe I have 6 poems posted thus far. Seymour I also agreee. Thank you all for your kind words, and I look forward to reading more of your writes as well.

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



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