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Open Poetry #39
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Joyride
| Open Poetry #39 |
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Joyride |
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DejaEntendu Member
since 2005-12-06
Posts 82Pennsylvania |
Hey. Wrote this last night, hope some of you like it. I may revise the ending, it seems very cliche. I don't like where it went. The passenger seat may as well be empty, when there's no one else I'd rather talk to. Sometimes I leave the window down, and hope that my words will escape, and a gust of wind, may bring them to your doorstep, on your way to school. Where hundreds of heads, see the brown of your eyes, and drown in them. And you'll smile, and I'll go numb, knowing I was once all they could see. Not knowing if I'll see them again, knowing I was once home, not knowing where I live. Wondering if I should find home, or just roll up the window. [This message has been edited by DejaEntendu (11-18-2006 09:56 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 G Rapp - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
I'd leave the window open... sometimes our words take us to places we don't intend to go, yet, there is great need for the spirit to break out and be one with the human mind and body...in that, we grow. wonderful write, enjoyed. |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
DeJa~ I really like THIS idea ... 'Sometimes I leave the window down, and hope that my words will escape, and a gust of wind, may bring them to your doorstep' ... poetically inspiring, it is~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ***And ONLY because you seek critique ... I would say to fix your typos ... "noone", should be no one and "culd", should be corrected to could*** ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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DejaEntendu Member
since 2005-12-06
Posts 82Pennsylvania |
Thanks. i fixed the typos, and I'm glad you guys liked it. |
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