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JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

0 posted 2006-11-02 05:31 AM

Nocturne of The Orient

I woke upon a winter’s morn,
To find that summer had long gone.
And simpler games of summer days
Have turned to chess--where I’m a pawn.
I feel my heart where it was torn--
As sharp of edge as with a knife--
And know that I have lost the ways
That sheltered me from winter’s strife.

And where were you my summer song?
When I awoke no more to hear
Your graceful melody of care
Float gently ‘round and fill my ear
With essence, pure! Still lingered long,
Your heartfelt tune of life and loss--
To close my eyes would see you there;
An ancient soul of yin* and joss.**

Though shorn from life, my sweetest dreams
Still come to me when dusk brings sleep.
That little death that brings release,
While still I slumber dark and deep,
And rends my night upon its seams,
When wondrous sights I do behold--
That bring at last my soul some peace,
And chase out much of winter’s cold.

*yin - the feminine passive principle in nature that in Chinese cosmology is exhibited in darkness, cold, or wetness and that combines with yang to produce all that comes to be.

**joss - a Chinese idol (or roughly, a deity).

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

[This message has been edited by JLHunter (11-03-2006 05:24 AM).]

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

1 posted 2006-11-02 05:37 PM

I like the sad feel of this one, with mystic overtones. In these two lines:
"While still I slumber dark and deep,
And rends the dark upon its seams," --I'd like there to be more separation between the uses of 'dark'. Overall, I like the way you use language to make the atmosphere.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2006-11-02 06:51 PM

Enjoyed...James

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

3 posted 2006-11-03 05:25 AM

Hi, Pilgrimage.

Thanks for pointing that out. I never noticed. It's fixed, now.

Thanks for the help and the nice comments!

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

4 posted 2006-11-03 05:28 AM

Thanks for reading, James.

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

5 posted 2006-11-03 06:08 PM

it sings beautifully sad to me
John

"And where were you my summer song?"

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

6 posted 2006-11-04 02:05 PM

Hi, TL.

It was an attempt at a beautifully sad "song." Thanks for reading!

John

I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires. -Khalil Gibran

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