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Open Poetry #39
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I Wish You Had Warned Me
| Open Poetry #39 |
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I Wish You Had Warned Me |
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XOx Uriah xOX Senior Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 1403Virginia 
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Just another old scribbling found... A historic pout, yellowed with time. Another foolish plan By a stubborn man With a foot on the ice and a finger in the fan. Building dreams out of sugar and sand... That tears just wash away. You saw it coming You felt the numbing Long before I felt the pain I was not informed of the brewing storm... Until the tears came down like rain. Of my own volition I ignored intuition Knowing well the heavy price. Our hearts did gleam beneath frozen streams I wished to dance upon the ice. I did not want to hear the voice of Fear... That curses life and speaks of treason. With eyes on Hope I turned deaf ear to what had been the voice of Reason Ah, but... You should have told me... I wish you had warned me... Things just might turn out this way... Now I'm wishing I had listened to what my conscience had to say. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Larry F. Leake - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
I like the almost-rhyme scheme. And I like the way you express yourself. My only nit is the "Our hearts did gleam" line. I didn't like that one line. Otherwise, I was impressed, especially by the foot on the ice and the finger in the fan--that's vivid and wry at the same time. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Uriah, You made me look at my foot and fingers and smile. You have the common salt that makes your reads tasty. Enjoyed |
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WindWalker Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 1218 |
This was good, and I too like the way you express yourself! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I just danced along with this...very nice flow |
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WindWalker Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 1218 |
Just want to bump this back up. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Sort of like, should have, would have, could have. Very much enjoyed the read. Hugs~Nancy Autumn, the year's last loveliest smile~ |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
like this likelike this i really like the title i may steal it (if you dont mind) giggle |
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