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Open Poetry #39

One Minute in Paradise

DreamerSpirit
Member

since 2006-10-02

Posts 240
Buenos Aires, Argentina

0 posted 2006-10-10 06:03 PM

Thanks to all those who have been reading all my poems. And Thanks too to all those who have given me advice, because thanks them i can now improve my poetry everyday a little more.

well, nothing more to say so here we go

One Minute In Paradise

One minute
only one minute
in paradise
is the dream
many mortals have
because they say
one minute in paradise
is an eternity for men

i looked for that paradise
and i found it
i have stayed that minute
and maybe more than just one
because for me
paradise is to hold you in my arms
to kiss you
to be close to you
that is paradise for me
where one minute
lasts an eternity
in my heart

themute
Member

since 2006-05-08

Posts 469
Maryland

1 posted 2006-10-10 06:43 PM

verbose, basic idea is a good one, a well known one, condesning your sentences will make your poetry more literarily sound. however you go about it will help im sure. becoming "good" is all about expressing your unique mind perfectly.

I am the two-toed wanderer

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2006-10-10 11:21 PM

we all have had that precious one minute and those of us who are lucky have had more

lovely write!

DreamerSpirit
Member

since 2006-10-02

Posts 240
Buenos Aires, Argentina

3 posted 2006-10-10 11:27 PM

thanks for reading and for the opinions.

much appreciated.

Denis

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

4 posted 2006-10-10 11:53 PM

"i have stayed that minute
and maybe more than just one"

very intriguing Dreamer

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