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Open Poetry #38
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Nature's Laws
| Open Poetry #38 |
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Nature's Laws |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
It's been a little while since I posted one here... so heres my latest one. Lightning flashes before my eyes Whipping out of the night Splitting a tree in half destroying the treetop home Of a family of finches Without any insurance, Baby birds crying in the dark Mother distraught over the wreck A family made homeless this night. Luckily at dawn tomorrow, they'll move in next door with the robins To the neighboring pine tree They don’t need insurance I wish humans didn’t either. -- Don't like the title much, this one is incomplete I'm going to expand, tell a human story, end it sadly, then tell the story of the finches, ending it happily |
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| © Copyright 2006 Jack Straw - All Rights Reserved | |||
Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Nothing wrong with a revision or two... won't be the first time, that is for sure. Good luck on it. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Smiling here, as I love this kind of writing, both subject and style. Whatever you may call it, Natures Laws or Quirks? the dynamic forces that prevail are humbling. I look forward to the expanded version.  |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Smiles... Perhaps a little bird gave us a message as it seems us humans have indeed learned a little something from the robins here in your poem because during Hurricane Katrina humans were most cordial and abiding to their neighbors... Perhaps??? Enjoyed reading. -Bob |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
thanks for the comments magnus, midnitesun and bob =) |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Glad the finches one will end happily. - Owl |
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XOx Uriah xOX Senior Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 1403Virginia |
The song remains the same. The tune hummed by the "Powers that Be" never missed a beat. :: smiles :: |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
thanks for the comments, I'm working on the revised version... it's coming along nicely, I'll post it once it is done. |
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Bonnie j Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588Ohio |
Reminds me of last summer. The Robins built their nest on the very tip of the Magnolia branch.I knew if a high wind came along the nest would be scattered all over the yard. Inside the nest the babes crying for food. A storm in the brewing. I sit inside worrying over the nest of babies.Sure enough the winds begin to howl. I look out the window the nest on the ground and the babies also fallen.I run out the door and grab a flower pot. Fill with the old nesting and soil. Pick the babies up and place them in the shelter of the evergreen. Shortly after mom and dad find the babies and begin to feed.By morning they had moved into another home, but the babies did learn to fly in my yard. Which brought a smile to my heart and lips. This year I had babies of all kinds in my yard learning to fly, to my laughter and a wild bunny that stayed all winter and is still lounging in my yard. I call it my Garden of Serenity. Good poem. Hugs BonBon |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
heartwarming story Bonnie =) sounds like a fulfilling experience... here's version two: (I almost like version one better.. less of a story and less focus on humans) I John Smith was a wonderful man he gave to America, all he had Weeks before he could be seen laughing in glee with a drink in his hand Heading to work suit and tie a wonderful man, trying to get by Alas his business thought him expendable it was time to make cuts (before they move to Mexico) He entered the boss' office with a smile His boss had a smile of a different calibre Saying, "John, it's time to move on... we're letting you go, now be gone." John shook his head, welled up with tears. Started home, he stopped for a beer Sharing his woes with uncaring folk their advice being; look for new work. in time he could not pay his bills he lost his house, his heart now filled with despair, grief, and contempt for all those lucky men not found in the ghettos his home now an alley, his friends now hobos his luxury a can with a fire to warm a cold life, lost and forlorn. he wished himself gone. from the life he once loved. II Lightning flashes, Whipping out of the night. Splitting a tree in half destroying the treetop home Of a family of finches trying only to live, Baby birds crying in the dark Mother distraught over the wreck A family made homeless this night. Luckily at dawn tomorrow, they'll move in next door with the robins To the neighboring pine tree Creatures absent of greed it seems, fairer lives can be found Among an undeclared kingdom of life. A man named John observed all this from a nearby alley, warming his hands He wished himself there, in a bird's place Tears crept down John's cold face as he saw Mother Finch share the bundle of worms she'd caught with Papa Robin and his children John hadn't eaten in days. |
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Bonnie j Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588Ohio |
Oh!No! We cannot leave John Smith in the cold His loins filled with hunger and dispair No hope for the future No joy of the past We must give John Smith a hand A hand filled with hope A hand that will caress if furrowed brow A hand that will give him his fill from the nectar of the vine Oh! No! We must not leave John Smith in the cold. HeeHee just had the urge to do this. I think I like the first one also. The love that is in the animal kingdom should be a lesson to man. But! Alas! He does not take notice and does not learn. See Ya BonBon |
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