And Yet, I Die - pipTalk Forums

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Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

0 posted 2006-05-22 10:29 AM

And Yet, I Die

Today, I died.

A final act in a series of survival
through false promises
and battered flesh agony.

I've long since passed that threshold of cope
and God giving me more than I can handle.
I'm out of time and understanding
of sorrow stained tomorrows
that drag me through hell
only to wake the next morning -
a reckless ritual, to do it all again.

I've tried everyone and everything
and still, there are no answers,
no Band-Aids large enough
to stop the gush of vile
throbbing from my heart;
And, no surgeon has yet to cut out this ache
the listless complacency of it all;
This robotic numb
with it's mechanical beat
pumping faithless blood through veins.

Still, rose-coloured-glass-eye men
in crisp white lab coats
with their thoughtless theories
and indifferent statistics
say that it can’t be done;
That a heart is unable to break
in the science of things.

Yet, as they polish the lettering of my name
while darkness falls on cemetery stone
I'm proof that a heart can snap, jagged as bone.

Still pretending god –
hope dares to show its face...
yet, without love
life has no meaning.

Inside I die.

By Melissa Long-Monette

Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world!

shirtless
Member

since 2006-04-29

Posts 359

1 posted 2006-05-22 01:19 PM

There is great tragedy in this poem that goes beyond past and present sorrows. The speaker sees the future as a bleak prospect:

    "sorrow stained tomorrows"

                    and

"Yet, as they polish the lettering of my name
  while darkness falls on cemetery stone"

Alliteration can trivialize a poem, but here,  alliteration limited to two word groupings adds a sorrowful, musical quality: "sorrow stained," "reckless ritual," and "thoughtless theories."

And there's that powerful image : "a heart can snap, jagged as a bone".

Impressive stuff!

http://anthonyarmstrong.zoomshare.com

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

2 posted 2006-05-22 01:34 PM

"Still, rose-coloured-glass-eye men
in crisp white lab coats
with their thoughtless theories
and indifferent statistics
say that it can’t be done;
That a heart is unable to break
in the science of things."

Wow!
Sounds like you really hit bottom with this write. But what the heck do those guys in those crisp white lab coats know?

Nice one Honeybee.

JL

XOx Uriah xOX
Senior Member

since 2006-02-11

Posts 1403
Virginia

3 posted 2006-05-27 11:50 AM

::smiles::    Very powerful!
And beyond what "seems"...  Very Positive.
Its difficult for me to reply to writes such as this without falling into excessive blah  blah  blah.
I will simply say...
Metamorphosis feels painful.
Does the caterpillar  "die" ?

Many realize their true essence in extreme situations.

This poem gives me cause to rejoice.

::smiles::

Die on.  Die on.   (((Honeybee)))

Fantastic write!

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2006-05-27 03:34 PM

And, no surgeon has yet to cut out this ache
the listless complacency of it all;
This robotic numb
with it's mechanical beat
pumping faithless blood through veins.

Impressive write, great lines. And you are right, without love life not only would be meaningless, but it simply could not BE.

Love,
Margherita

Ella Blue
Junior Member

since 2006-05-26

Posts 47

5 posted 2006-05-27 03:53 PM

....A well known, long lived poem, familiar to the author perhaps even from childhood? Her bleakness is apparent, yet seems to be embraced as an old, well weathered aquaintence, one she is intent on conquering again and again hopefully.

BROTHER JOHN
Member

since 2006-04-06

Posts 386

6 posted 2006-05-27 04:26 PM

Dear Honeybee,

You do end in hope. Too, you are right in that there are different kinds of hope. Only hope defined by love is OUR HOPE.

poettothecars
Senior Member

since 2006-02-10

Posts 1093
New Zealand

7 posted 2006-05-27 07:11 PM

"This robotic numb
with it's mechanical beat
pumping faithless blood through veins."

such words are full of breath and robots are not flesh
either way, an expressive piece (peace)

a poet who cares

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

8 posted 2006-05-27 07:13 PM

Melissa, you do have a way with words and
cranking in the right amount of "Feel"..

Well done.

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