Neo-noir Flicker Titled “Swelter”

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Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

0 posted 2006-08-15 04:55 PM

Neo-noir Flicker Titled “Swelter”

1950’s neo-noir films,
black like smoke
from short smoke stack,
and
white like freeze-dried fleece.

FADE IN:

Cigarette smoke spiraling
nicotine corkscrews in a corner,
detectives inspecting
dead boy bodies in the coroner’s office.

Saxophone intro
leading the leading lady
into the frame.
Sashay risqué.
Saxophone followed by
bongos.
Music, 1950’s soft tone.
Men in suits,
driving black Studebakers
and all the ladies
with mysterious
“Oh yeah, you know I did it!” eyes,
and dresses that suck the color
out of men’s pupils
making ‘em wish the film
was in Technicolor.

Inconspicuous flirting
from a lady named Candy
causes the man’s pants
to rise in alertness.
He grabs both her shoulders
causing stage fright shuddering.
He swiftly draws her closer and says:

“Baby, you’re a swell broad,
but I know you shanked Smitty
in dat back alley on 42nd. But here’s
what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna
get real forgetful real quick
and after that baby,
I’ll remember da whole thing.”

And no,
their lips do not kiss,
no no,
this is the 50’s,
their entire faces
kiss like two spatulas
rubbing against each other.
Kiss like rigor mortis
For her, shaken away…
For him, stiff in more places
than one.

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. DETECTIVE RAMERO’S ROOM NIGHT

Both are in bed smoking,
but he is detective Ramero;
the man is a Colt .45!
Yeah,
she’s smokin’ two at once
and wearing some new iron bracelets.
He remembered…

Sunrise spitting sunshine
on Sunset Boulevard
rubbing out the moonshine.
Black Studebaker
racing down the street
and at a staggering speed
of 40, speedin’ to the diner
for coffee and a cigarette or two
getting ready
to stack ‘em up and watch ‘em fall again
on another sweltering day in
Hollywood’s 1950's.

THE END

[Insert quote of wisdom here]

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

1 posted 2006-08-15 05:20 PM

Okay, I need a new word here to describe how this flows, and grabs. How it inches up to your eyes, and leaves images burned.
~~~~~~
nothing coming to me yet. I'm still thinking.
~~~~~~
We're just going to have to go with fantastic.

Sandra
(still pondering over her lack of vocabulary)

Edward Grim
Senior Member

since 2005-12-18

Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina

2 posted 2006-08-15 10:46 PM

Thanks Sandra, I'm glad someone likes it. And don't worry, your vocabulary is fine.

[Insert quote of wisdom here]

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

3 posted 2006-08-17 03:53 AM

I don't like it

Nope, I really like it.

It begs me to read it again - so I have.
I think it wants to follow me home and play again in my mind.

aziza

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

4 posted 2006-08-17 04:17 PM

Different lighting here! Glad to stop in and grab a few while taking in the smoke filled atmosphere! Do I hear a piano man softly playing lonely song in the background? A pleasure to read! and .. I agree with another responder that this one begs to be read again and again so... to the ole library...

thanks for the match

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2006-08-30 01:20 PM

Saxophone intro
leading the leading lady
into the frame.
Sashay risqué.

You seem to effortlessly suck me into your scenes... and I go willingly. *S* Excellent!

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

6 posted 2006-08-30 01:35 PM

I am so glad to see this get a boot back to the top. I thought it excellent.

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