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s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
Senior Member

since 2003-10-26

Posts 1105
Watertown, NY

0 posted 2006-07-31 10:08 PM

Help Me Mommy
Help Me Please
They’re Tearing Me Apart
Piece By Little Piece

Save Me Mommy
Save Me Now
I Can’t Save Myself
I Don’t Know How

I Love You Mommy
Show Me You Love Me Too
Don’t Let This Happen
It’s Not The Right Thing To Do

Goodbye Mommy
It’s Already Too Late
My Beating Heart Has Stopped
You’ve Decided My Fate

Why Do You Cry Mommy
As I Watch You From Heaven
When You Sleep Do You Dream Of Me?
And What Might’ve Been

Its Okay Mommy
It’s Time To Let Go
Let Go Of All The Guilt And Pain
That You Try So Hard Not To Show

I Forgive You Mommy
For The Mistake You’ve Made
I Know You Were Young
Just Don’t Let My Memory Fade

It’s Time To Celebrate Mommy
God Has Given You The Gift Of Joy
Congratulations Mommy
You’re Getting A Baby Boy

Breath Mommy Breath
As You Give Birth To My Brother
You Made The Right Choice
I’m Proud Of You Mother

Smile For Me Mommy
As My Brother Smiles Too
Promise You Won’t Forget Me
And Mommy, I Love You.

I Thought of You Today,
And What We Could've Had
For A Brief Moment I Had You
And Still, I Somehow Knew
I'd Have To Let Go

brother stone
Junior Member

since 2006-01-25

Posts 28

1 posted 2006-08-02 09:35 AM

this poem made brother stone too sad to say anything at all, almost. i got sadder in every verse right up to the end.

XOx Uriah xOX
Senior Member

since 2006-02-11

Posts 1403
Virginia

2 posted 2006-08-02 10:15 AM

Raw and real
Right to the heart !!!
Wow !!!!

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

3 posted 2006-08-02 12:15 PM

I am really enjoying your poetry and this poem packs a real punch to the reader, and is very well thought out. As you asked for a critque I think it would definitely flow better if you did not capitalize each word, (check out others to see only the first word is usually capitalized.) I find it causes pauses in reading that disconnect the flow of your wonderful words. Great job!

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