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Open Poetry #38
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Matriarch
| Open Poetry #38 |
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Matriarch |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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"Woman what is wrong with you?" "I am nearing to my time, and there must be a sacrifice as one of us must die." A fingerboard of alphabet as a crooked finger points to all of the first letters of everyone she's ever loved smiling as they guess... "I" means her and eagerness nodding as the tube of trache moves a millimeter off gasping for the bless of tape "L" is love expected yet "Y" is not an answer that cannot be an epithet by a letter singular that is a chalice lacking verse as the end complains again-- "I thought that I was first..." and this is dismal in malingering as oh-you-know-it-could-be-worse just before it is. "Am I dying?" she took time her eyes acute assessing this fingering the alphabet slowly as though it was test of our patience as she smiled watching us break out in sweat as we nodded shaking heads as her dignity shook wet dripping drops from fingertip and pointing out the words: "Not yet" before she fell to sleep and dreamt of tunnels and the timelessness of here and there and now and it's just the precious gift of this: another moment warm. [This message has been edited by serenity blaze (07-30-2006 06:11 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
Stopped me cold serenity. watching us break out in sweat as we nodded shaking heads as her dignity shook wet dripping drops from fintertip and pointing out the words: "Not yet", stole my breath away.... |
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divine chaos Senior Member
since 2006-07-09
Posts 617dancing 'neath the moon |
serenity, this is an awesome write I'm with Lady breathless ~*Sheli*~ By words the mind is winged |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
 okay now.......got to get back to work.....oh heck....one more time and then back to work. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
An incredibly sensitive and compassionate understanding of a moment (embracing so many more moments) near the end of this matriarch. Thank you for the experience. - Owl |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Oops, couldn't edit because my reply is only showing at this stage when I click on Print. I meant "near the end of the life of". - Owl |
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Decaflame Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635 |
before she fell to sleep and dreamt of tunnels and the timelessness of here and there and now and it's just the precious gift of this: another moment warm. ~*~ You have the innate ability of taking a moment and making it memorable in weight, and kind. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Karen....There are times that after I read you I feel I may never write another poem...and times when I am so inspired that I do. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks all for reading.  This came of contemplating a certain true life situation (not my mother--but a friend's) and as I thought about it, it also fit a certain conversation regarding the death of Matriarchal religion. The layers are just the way I think. But I do appreciate the commentary and especially the kindness of your time.  |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Very powerful m'dear ... If I may, however, I found the lack of the 'a' in quote: pretty jarring >< I know you were trying to stay with the rhythm but it just hit me wrong. <3 the poem though! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity, There is not much left of me to wring, but you managed to squeeze out a few more drops.  |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
the touch of warm is the essence of life this breathes into me deeply, Karen |
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Kristabell Senior Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 678Portland, OR |
Wow, this is very intriguing. Very nice write. Kristabell "Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life." |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Sky? I tried to come back to put the "a" in there. (My time limit for editing was up though--that's a good thing though, as I'd spend all of my time editing the H e double hockey sticks outta everything) *grin* After some thought I decided you are right, forced meter is worse than bad meter! I'll keep that in mind and try to keep the flow more natural in the future. Thanks for reading and the tip! Love to all. |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I really liked this, lady. My head isn't really.. with me, though. So that's all the reply you get. <3 |
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