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Junior Member

since 2006-02-07

Posts 17
Los Angeles, CA

0 posted 2006-02-07 01:04 AM

Introduction

Stand amazed
blank alter
no lost father
spit ink to it
watch the ricochet blot black
in the skull casket

candle glows in the wind
against teeth that came from polar caps
candle glows in the rain consuming water mark
had to jump start heart
free me formula
premium combination
supreme cliental destination
those pigment stains aint stolen
second birth blood brother

return ink in my brain through the vein
authorized authoritis
my hand won't let go
of that pen blood
stone river
permeant flowing word
free me
die just to lie between
the line
wake me when I'm read
fluid mortar forever
carry me in grey winkles

exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

1 posted 2006-02-07 01:42 AM

candle glows in the wind
against teeth that came from polar caps
candle glows in the rain consuming water mark
had to jump start heart

seriously?
loved this poem.

p.s thanks for the sweet comment on mine btw

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-03

Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart

2 posted 2006-02-07 02:35 PM

I could see this as a rap song...I was singing it as I read it.

WELCOME TO PIP!

~ARH

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2006-02-07 02:40 PM

permeant flowing word
free me
die just to lie between
the line
wake me when I'm read

Welcome to Passions! *S* I enjoyed this very much and look forward to reading more of your work! *S*

ManOfWolves28
Member

since 2005-12-21

Posts 83

4 posted 2006-02-07 03:18 PM

This one reminds me of something I once spoke in my sleep. Actually recorded it but havent transcribed anything yet. I rermember most of it involved a pen with no ink and filling it with my own blood.
I like the rhythem of the words in this poem.

...If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2006-02-07 03:47 PM

I too found this almost read like rap, great job!

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

6 posted 2006-02-07 04:36 PM

Excellent work raven.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

7 posted 2006-02-07 04:52 PM

Welcome to Passions!

This is a fantastic first post. I really loved the harsh rhythm, it fits very well with the imagery of this piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Andrew

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

8 posted 2006-02-07 07:16 PM

"my hand won't let go
of that pen blood"

~ As Martha Stewart would say, "And that's a good thing!"

Welcome to our Passionate Family!

Warm, welcoming hug,
Earth Angel

James_A_Fraser
Senior Member

since 2003-09-03

Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines

9 posted 2006-02-07 07:31 PM

Much to like, in your word-play -- I'll look for more....

Welcome aboard!

~~J

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2006-02-07 07:46 PM

Authorized arthritis...

a heady line.

Wanted, not needed, respected, implored.

Yet, the pain.

Excellent!

P.S. Check your email for a Very Special Welcome!

Bagger Vance
Member

since 2006-02-01

Posts 108
Aotearoa

11 posted 2006-02-08 02:29 AM

ah.. and wot a debut this be...
brava

White Gold Wielder

[email protected]
Junior Member

since 2006-02-07

Posts 17
Los Angeles, CA

12 posted 2006-02-08 09:24 PM

Thank you

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