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XOx Uriah xOX
Senior Member

since 2006-02-11

Posts 1403
Virginia

0 posted 2006-05-10 10:50 AM

I laughed
when the wart bled
and the bacon was buried.
I shook my head and shrugged off
the coincidental vanishing.

I laughed
when the cobwebs
and axe fat were applied.
I shook my head and shrugged off
the healing of the wound.

I cried
Finding she had sewn her track
secretly in the shoe of another.

Then
the fish swam away
with a strand of my hair in its gills
Leaving me to shake my head in madness.

Unable to laugh

Unable to cry

Unable

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

1 posted 2006-05-10 11:16 AM

I knowing I shouldn't be grinning..but dang, I do love when you post...

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

2 posted 2006-05-10 11:23 AM

beautifully bittersweet

FNG
Member

since 2006-02-07

Posts 477

3 posted 2006-05-12 11:42 PM

Cute images here to convey something not so cute.

Enjoyed

Fabiani
Member

since 2006-05-12

Posts 123
Mesa, Az

4 posted 2006-05-12 11:55 PM

I enjoyed it ive had the same problem

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

5 posted 2006-05-13 12:38 PM

"I cried
Finding she had sewn her track
secretly in the shoe of another."

Amazing lines here Uriah!

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

6 posted 2006-05-13 03:22 AM

So sorry for what happened. This is an excellent example for young aspiring poets to see what "Don't tell - show instead!"

Not that I think one should never tell - rightly or wrongly, I choose to write a lot that tells and doesn't show, when I really want the details known.

- Owl

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

7 posted 2006-05-13 03:32 AM

Great poem, Uriah!

Archea
Member

since 2006-05-13

Posts 65
United States

8 posted 2006-05-13 03:34 AM

really good. i liked it alot.
Archea

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

9 posted 2006-05-14 05:11 PM

Damn, this one really hit me...Powerful lament, I feel this...You used original images to convery something so all-pervasive & devastating. Damn, this is good.
It's a keeper~

Melissa~

Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world!

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