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Open Poetry #37

an untitled poem

shirtless
Member

since 2006-04-29

Posts 359

0 posted 2006-04-29 11:31 PM

there's a feeling
I get in my gut
that tells me
my soul must live there

it's as warm
as the flesh of a tumour
as cold
as the fist of her stare

and on nights such as this
when I feel it
when I'm breathing
both water and air

shirtless
Member

since 2006-04-29

Posts 359

1 posted 2006-04-29 11:50 PM

The last part of the poem didn't get posted -- I will repost the complete version tomorrow.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

2 posted 2006-04-30 09:00 AM

Looking forward to it very much.

I was going to suggest that you leave out one of the "when"s in the last stanza so far - depending on which meaning applies. However, perhaps with the rest of the poem, they both make sense.

By the way, Welcome to Pip (Passions in Poetry) - an excellent place to be.

- Owl

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