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Open Poetry #37
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The Life
| Open Poetry #37 |
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The Life |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla 
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suck the life out inside of me why won't it just let me be don't want to be sick anymore the waves crash down the sand gets grainy inbetween my toes i look up to the heavens and kneel down and ask why oh why me? this year i need a break i am out of strength I just shake hear this prayer if you can take me god by the hand for i need extra help this time my friends and family is not enough to get me by. Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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| © Copyright 2006 Julie O'Neill - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Debo Member
since 2006-04-18
Posts 321Texas U.S.A. |
I pray to God a little prayer for you. And if I could I surely would take your pain away today. my heart is heavy as I read this write. A sad little one but I did like Debo |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
thank you Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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shirtless Member
since 2006-04-29
Posts 359 |
There is stong emotion here. You have some interesting line endings. In the lines that follow, I like the way "sand" is the object in line one and then becomes the subject of line two. the waves crash down the sand gets grainy inbetween my toes Those two lines really work; I feel the power of the waves and the gritty irritation of the sand, and I sense all the emotional disturbance they represent. You could consider the use of metaphor in the next stanza; it might be too literal as it is. I really enjoyed reading this poem and will look for more of your work. Thanks, Tony |
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BROTHER JOHN Member
since 2006-04-06
Posts 386 |
Dear Foxy, This reminds me of some of the Psalms. Thank you. |
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lgina Member
since 2004-07-20
Posts 52 |
The heavey words are so power ful. We we aren't enough or friends and family fail we must relie on God. Thank you. |
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KateForFreeMinds New Member
since 2006-05-02
Posts 3Florida |
this is beautiful |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
that is the only thing good when crap happens in life is mypoetry n art:P Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I have been here too a hand was held out to me all the time, I just had to take it  |
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bubblesleave Member
since 2006-03-04
Posts 197Bloomington, IN |
Your pain is oh, so, evident...and,oh, so beautifully expressed! Thanks for this wonderful write... Hugs, Bubbles |
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